So this is evidently a real thing:

And yet, here we are. According to reports, the president has become fixated on Florsheim shoes since the end of last year, when he went on the hunt for something more comfortable and landed on a cap-toe oxford from the American brand. Florsheim politely declined to comment for this story, so I did a little visual sleuthing to try to identify it. And though I can’t be certain, I’d bet it’s the Lexington, which costs $145 and, in keeping with Trump’s desired feature set, boasts a “fully cushioned footbed for all-day comfort.”

If the story ended there, well … it wouldn’t be much of a story. Florsheim is a long-standing American brand with classic styles befitting an American politician (even though the Lexington seems to be imported). But it doesn’t end there, because of course it doesn’t. We haven’t even gotten to the culture of fear yet!

See, allegedly, the president was so smitten with his new shoes that he started giving out pairs of Florsheims all over the place. The Wall Street Journal reports that he buys them himself and has bequeathed them to a veritable rogues’ gallery of Trump-administration members and allies:

Vice President JD Vance and Secretary of State Marco Rubio have some. So do Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, Trump’s communications director Steven Cheung, deputy chief of staff James Blair and speechwriter Ross Worthington. Fox News personality Sean Hannity and Sen. Lindsey Graham each have a pair.

Here’s the best bit, again from the Journal:

“All the boys have them,” said a female White House official. Another joked, “It’s hysterical because everybody’s afraid not to wear them.”

We first got wind of the burgeoning obsession from Vance himself back in December, when he relayed an anecdote about Trump stopping a meeting in which he, Vance, and Rubio were discussing “something really, really important.” According to Vance, Trump stopped that conversation to pivot to shoes. “He peers over the Resolute Desk and says, ‘Marco, JD, you guys have shitty shoes.’ ”

Next thing you know, they’re all going through a shoe catalog and Trump is collecting sizes. Vance self-reported as a size 13; Rubio as an 11.5. A third, unnamed politician in the room was a size 7. Trump responded to that info, Vance says, with the quip: “You know, you can tell a lot about a man from his shoe size.” It’s a dick joke! Cue the laughter.

So instead of screaming into the void over how the president and the cabinet are spending their time during this stupid war, here’s a shoe-inspired Musical Interlude because I need a break. Maybe you do, too.

Listen to how young Ella is here:

I love Kirsty MaCall’s voice. Her death was a great loss.

You can’t leave Amy Winehouse off this list:

Here’s a counterpoint from Dylan:

It’s felt like summer here the last few days, so that calls for The Drifters:

One of my favorites from Paul Simon:

Gotta have some (from this) Elvis:

A Broadway musical about footwear:

I’ll leave you with this masterpiece from Kate Bush: