On Friday, I shared that a billionaire had some thoughts on solving the Gulf of Hormuz that were widely ridiculed because they were slack-jawed stupid.

This was, of course, yet more evidence (along with Jeffrey Epstein’s barely legible emails, among other proof points) that some of the wealthy are stump dumb and their bank accounts are not proof of brains. It was also evidence that a lot of people who think themselves to be very smart should shut the hell up about Trump’s Failed War in Iran and keep their suggestions to themselves.

One example is Trusted Presidential Advisor Newt Gingrich, who wants to help his buddy Trump out with a great suggestion to solve the Gulf of Hormuz crisis.

ok then

— Comfortably Numb (@numb.comfortab.ly) 2026-03-15T21:13:22.165Z

I am sure some egghead will jump in and tell us all about nuclear fallout, but that’s because they don’t get the bad-assery of this idea. Now, some on social media said that since this idea popped up in a pretty good satirical post on a Substack blog, maybe Newt was going with the joke. I have my doubts, since he didn’t reference it.

I think it is much more likely that, given Newt’s brain has been boiled as much as anyone who is part of the Trump fiasco, he was all for it. It also runs parallel to the Trump ethos of war, which blows up the baddies real good, then the credits roll while you crow about the big win, because that’s how it is, life is a bad-ass action movie you catch late at night on TBS.

Over the weekend, Trump’s bold proclamation that we came, saw, and kicked ass, bro, was mixed with a request, er, DEMAND that the rest of the world’s allies help us clean up the mess he made. Just imagine if your best friend got super drunk at a party and trashed your bathroom, then demanded you clean it up or else. This guy has threatened the EU and NATO, talked about invading Greenland and Canada, called everyone names, pissed gasoline on while setting fire to longstanding alliances, and now he wants them to help? Gotta give the guy, he’s a real dealmaker.

So, of course, Newt would see the idea of making a canal via a dozen or so thermonuclear blasts. That would be badass and cool, right? Oh, who cares about nuclear fallout, and dealing with mountains, and how long it would take! What about the BADASS AND COOL part of setting off a dozen nukes don’t you get, woke dipshit?

I guess this is no less stupid than a Fox News Weekend Host running a disastrous Middle East war or a podcast host being in charge of the FBI, but someone, please, get me out of this stupid timeline.

The last word goes to The Gap Band.