How To Drink


WEEK SIX — Overindulgence Insisting that you aren’t “that drunk.” Asserting that you are “faaaaane.” Repeating sentences four or five times against a rising tide of slur. Hearing those around you yelling, “MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!”; needing help up off the ground. Others speaking to you in tones of voice usually reserved for babies who are crying in church; others physically restraining you. Making out with coworkers.

If they taught this in college, they could drop all those stupid, patronizing “binge-drinking ain’t cool, yo” programs they get government grants for.