From Holden:

In America’s other colony, you know, Pipelinia, the American military claims veto-power over all actions of the reputedly-democratic government.

The head of Afghanistan’s peace and reconciliation commission offered an amnesty on Monday for all rebels fighting American and government forces, and even extended the offer to two of the most wanted Afghan terrorism suspects: the Taliban leader Mullah Muhammad Omar and the renegade warlord Gulbuddin Hekmatyar. However, an American military spokesman seemed to suggest that the two suspects could not be included in the program.

The Afghan official, Sebaghatullah Mojadeddi, said that even though government policy had formerly excluded people like Mullah Omar and Mr. Hekmatyar, he had been granted complete independence to act as he saw fit on the matter.

“This peace that we want is for all, there is no exception,” Mr. Mojadeddi said. “Those who are armed, they should lay down their weapons when they come, accept the Constitution, and obey the government. We will accept them with an open heart.”

Mr. Mojadeddi said that while he did not know how or where to contact Mullah Omar or Mr. Hekmatyar, the offer stood for them as well. “We are announcing it today. Let us give them time to discuss and think about it, and let’s see what is God’s favor.”

[snip]

However, a United States military spokesman in Kabul, Col. James Yonts, seemed to cast doubt on Mr. Mojadeddi’s offer to Mullah Omar and Mr. Hekmatyar, though he did not mention the two specifically. He said that while the military supported the reconciliation program and would offer assistance, all those guilty of terrorism or other serious crimes would not be allowed to join. All candidates would be screened by the National Security Council and intelligence officers, he said.

Yeah, and we’re still taking casualties in Democratic Pipelinia.

The announcement came as the American military reported further high casualties in fighting with suspected Taliban members in eastern Afghanistan. Two marines were killed when they searched a cave where militants had hidden Sunday evening after a fierce battle. Other marines called in air support, and the military said 23 insurgents were killed in the subsequent fighting.

American forces have fought heavy battles in two areas in southern Afghanistan in the past few days.