joejoejoe sentthis one over earlier this week:
It’s not my idea to come up with a f**kit list. I give the credit to a
mention of comedian Michael Ian Black’s list of the same name inNew York Magazine‘s Daily Intel:http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2009/03/whats_on_your_fuckit_list.html. But I’m happy to come up with my own list of Things I’m Never Going To Do, Ever –i.e., the very opposite of a bucket list.
mention of comedian Michael Ian Black’s list of the same name inNew York Magazine‘s Daily Intel:http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2009/03/whats_on_your_fuckit_list.html. But I’m happy to come up with my own list of Things I’m Never Going To Do, Ever –i.e., the very opposite of a bucket list.
What’s on your list of things you’re never going to do?
Mine’s under the cut:
I am giving up on:
Reading One Hundred Years of Solitude. (I’ve tried seven times. Can’t do it.)
Growing my hair long.
Losing 15 pounds.
Going to grad school.
Having nice fingernails.
Becoming a chipper, optimistic person. (Hey, paranoia’s my coping mechanism, you get your own.)
Understanding calculus.
A.
I’ve read “One Hundred Years of Solitude” twice but can’t get through “Moby Dick” or “The Scarlet Letter” or “Orlando.”
I’ll never speak a non-Indo-European language.
I’ll never be thin again.
I’ll never have the singing voice I really want and I’ll never be happy with the one I have.
Other than that I’ve done just about everything I ever wanted to do. God, I”m old!
Peace, V.
I’m never going to marry Prince Edward, more’s the pity. (For him, I mean–I’m pretty damned happy with Mr. BuggyQ, who is not now nor has he ever been a prince.)
I’m never going to live in England. I tried it for a while, and it’s just too damned dark. I live in sunshine central, and even *here* I get SAD. So England’s out, even though I loved my experiences there.
I’m never going to learn to play the guitar–if I learn anything from here on out, it’ll be piano, and I’m not very confident I’ll ever manage that either.
I keep saying I’m going to finish my masters degree, but honestly, if I don’t, I’m cool with that. So it’s on my fuckit list, too.
I’m never going to be good at housekeeping. I can try, and now and then I’ll have a reasonably clean house, but it’ll never be immaculate, and never reasonably clean for more than ten minutes at a time.
I’m never going to be in a champion women’s barbershop quartet. (There’s still a slim possibility, but I’ve decided the only way I’m likely to ever get close is if I really devote myself to one quartet, build friendships, get comfortable with each other, and enjoy the singing. And that’ll be more fun anyway.)
Related to all the above, I’m never going to be ambitious. I’ve discovered that I’m very, very good at getting comfortable with a situation and staying there. I don’t now, nor have I ever really had, grand plans for my life. And after years of wondering if I’m just not motivated enough, if I’m lazy, I’ve decided fuckit. I don’t care. I’ve had a good career, I’m doing things I enjoy. If I never become something spectacular, so be it.
I’m never going to have children. (I came to this by choice and by time running out. Not sure how I truly feel about it. Wistful, I guess would be one feeling. But I’m okay with it. My mother, on the other hand…)
I’m never gonna star in a movie.
I’m never gonna take the “capital-A-art world” by storm. Those people are a different kind of insane anyhow, for the most part.
I’m never gonna live in Manhattan, unless I somehow win the lottery or some such thing.
I’m never gonna finish “Atlas Shrugged”. I get to the hundred-plus page speech John Galt does on the radio and my mind closes up, as well as the book.
If I ever become super skinny like I was at age ten, it will only be through an eating disorder or some other wasting disease. Fuck THAT.
I really really want to visit Israel and Australia at some point in my life, but if I never get there, aaah, fuck it.
i will never run a marathon or do a triathalon. i will never be a cleany. i will never read all the books i have.
you got page 2 of atlas shrugged?
I will never dress sharply. I’ve devolved from thrift store punk into thrift store meh never hitting ‘you look sharp!’ along the way. I saw Zinedine Zidane on a balcony in a suit after France lost the ’06 World Cup final and he looked so impressive. I wanted to dress myself ONCE like that but I never will. Maybe somebody can dress me up that way but I sure can’t do it.
I’ll never learn to bake. I like to live in cities and there are too many good bakeries for me to give a shit about oven temperature and baking soda.
I’ll never own a pet. I had dogs growing up, loved them, got over my cat allergies to like them, and like pretty much all animals. But I’m a bit of a fuckup and don’t want to inflict that on other species. Humans, yes. Critters, no.
I’ll never read the parts that explain whaling in Moby Dick. It’s a good novel with a 100 pages of manifests of salt, brine, and hardtack. I skipped 98% of that shit the first time and will be skipping 100% of it in the future should I revisit the book.
I’ll never dunk a basketball. I dunked a volleyball on a 9’6″ rim in HS but that was 20 years ago. Maybe I can touch the rim again one day but that is also highly doubtful.
I’ll never go downhill skiing again. I like hiking in the mountains and cafes in the mountains and I don’t need the excuse of expensive sticks on my feet to enjoy either. I’ll be spending the money I save on lift tickets on Irish whiskey and walking shoes.
I’ll never order crab in Bar Harbor, Maine again. I went to an outdoor cafe on the Atlantic with my big brother and he got twin lobsters on a paper plate for almost nothing and I got a dozen crabs (the kind with skinny legs) for a dollar less. He warned me that there wasn’t a lot of meat in the crabs and he was right. I think I burned off more calories getting the crab meat out of the shells than was in the crab meat. I was hungrier at the end of the meal than when I started. I miss my brother and miss those two lobsters he told me I should have ordered.
Parachute
Go Spelunking
High wire walking or any height wire for that matter
Give a s*** about Windows v. Mac
Become famous – altho infamous is still in the running
Sing for an audience – there’s a reason!
Touch a reptile over two inches long
I’ll never readLord of the Rings. I’ve tried three times and never managed it yet; my feelings about Tolkien writing unreadable dreck are also just solidifying as I get older.
I’ll never be able to keep any living space of mine as clean as I’d ideally like it.
I’ll never be able to play guitar as well as I’d like to be able to.
I’ll never visit Africa. (Still holding out for Israel, though.)
I used to say I’d never get married. But that changes in about 3 hours
Aw, jeffrey, congratulations!
Yellow matrimony! Congrats.
I CANNOT believe you can’t get through 100 Years of Solitude. I’ve read it three times (including once for a college class) and I think it’s spectacular.
LOTR, on the other hand, blows hobbits.
I read 100 Years of Solitude once, in Spanish, for a high school Spanish class. It was really difficult. I remember forcing myself to read a chapter or section at a time and then having very little idea of what I had just read. We also had to read Don Quijote (also in Spanish). Most of that I think was easier. I would much much much rather read LOTR though, I’ve read that series 4 or 5 times.
I’ll never be a ballet dancer. I’ll never be a gymnast. I don’t think I’ll ever read Democracy in America; I’ve tried several times. I’ll never run a marathon, and boy am I glad. I too will never understand calculus. I will probably never read Plato; my brain shuts down when I try to read philosophy. I only read Moby Dick because I had to as a freshman; I guess I’m glad I did it but I won’t read it again. I love LOTR, the books even more than the movie, and I did like 100 Years of Solitude but can understand why not everyone does. I’m glad there’s so much stuff to see and do that everyone can find enough to do so they shouldn’t feel guilty about not doing other stuff.
Confining it to books I’ll never read, and I’m ok with that:
Moby Dick — didn’t have to, see no point now
100 Years of …?
War and Peace. FSM knows I’ve tried. Russian novelists don’t believe in punctuation.
Anything else ever by Kafka, or any GOP star. Likewise any “Purpose-Driven Life” drivel. If I want to read about religion … I’ll get another beer.
The Silmarillon. I loved The Hobbit and the Trilogy, but I just could not get through the last one.
Now, the book I think I should read again is Gone With The Wind. Damn thing might be prophetic, given what we’re going through nowadays.
100 Years Of Solitude? Don’t know, don’t care.
I’ll never develop an appreciation for Tom Hanks, most overrated actor ever.
I’ll never go skiing again. Tried it once, hated it.
I’ll never go to another Rainbow gathering ever again. You’ll probably meet just as many self-righteous assholes there as you would at an RNC convention.
If I can avoid it, I’ll never go to New Hampshire again. Me and that state just don’t mix. I’ll pass through on the way to Maine but that’s it.
Things I’ll never do (I’m 64+ so the time’s awastin’)
Stop loving my family, even the kookoonutty ones.
Vote Republican.
Stop dancin’.
Never run a marathon.
Visit Asia.
There are many things I’ll never do simply because I have no interest in them, such as become famous. OK, so even if I wanted to it probably wouldn’t happen, but you know what I mean.
Things I would love to do but probably won’t…
Get my pilot’s license
Visit the Middle East
Hike the entire Appalachian Trail
Live in Europe
Live with a Goddess
Consistantly write excellent music
Learn to draw well.
on my fuckit list?
will never watch the movies “ET” or “Forrest Gump” — look how long i’ve managed to avoid doing so already! yay for me!
will never read LOTR. i gotta agree with tbogg — it does indeed “blow hobbits.”
will never speak to my parents again. their choice but, i gotta say, i concur. five or six years now (maybe seven?) and i’m not counting.
will never understand the human race.
will never have a fucking bucket list, and will never watch that stupid ass movie even if jack nicholson is in it.
will never give a rat’s ass what the neighbors think.
cool beans