Friday Cat Blogging

This is from an email I received that I think is making the rounds but it’s Friday and it made me laugh so…

Excerpts from a Dog’s diary


8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My
favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary :


Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their
hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little
hunter” I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of
the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was
walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are
flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe… for now…


7 thoughts on “Friday Cat Blogging

  1. You own a dog…you feed a cat. Love the story. My grumpy old cat chases the dog out the dog door then sits in front of it and won’t let her back in.

  2. Check that look on Teddy’s face.
    She knows how worried you are now that you’ve read her secret thoughts.

  3. There’s only one thing wrong with this:
    Given an open door or a dropped leash, a dog will run away.
    A cat will look outside, look up at you, and go back to the couch.

  4. my hostages obviously have stokholm syndrome as they love me. even tho they only recieve dry kibble. although sometimes they deign to eat my food.
    they do get milk and butter tho.
    none want to escape. although sybil is afraid i might stop feeding her as she is always trying to bury food for later.

  5. Is there a secret camera in my house or what?
    Fortunately, for the rest of us, Ira seems to think he’s a dog. Unless, he’s just trying to fool me…

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