Excerpts from a Dog’s diary
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary :
Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their
hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little
hunter” I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of
the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was
walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are
flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe… for now…