Malaka Of The Week: Rudy Giuliani

Yeah, I know: Rudy is overqualified for malaka of the week. His malakatude is eternal but it’s particularly egregious this week. My original plan was to kick Rudy around for his opposition to trying that furry mass murderer, Khalid Sheikh Mohammad, in Manhattan after having favored terrorism trials there before. Also, if he were still a US Attorney he’d be demanding the right to more trial headlines in Noo Yawk. The *real* reason that Rudy 9/11 is malaka of the week is that he’s injected himself back into the public discourse in a big way this week. I hadn’t thought about this cut rate Mussolini for quite some time and I resent having to do so again. That’s the essence of malakatude, y’all.

Rudy has also been in the news because of his flirtation with running for office in Noo Yawk. He considered running for Governor since David Paterson is a sitting duck but opted out because Andrew Cuomo seems ready to go and the mean Cuomo (as opposed to his gentlemanly father) would be a prohibitive favorite. Then, there was a flurry of ersatz excitement when theDaily Newsreported that Rudy might run against SenatorTracy Flick Kirsten Gillibrand in the 2010 special election and use it as a springboard for another futile run for the Presidency in 2012. That trial balloon landed like the Hindenburg and the story wasdenied to Ben Smith ofPolitico, which is the home of journalistic malpractice as well as malakatude.

So, Rudy get the fuck out of my face, go off and make buckets of blood money giving inflammatory speeches, visit Bernie Kerik in jail but please go away. I’m tired of your ugly mug but I do miss your old hairdo, I loved calling you Mayor Combover and your new ‘do took away the only pleasure you ever gave me. You, sir, are a festering pustule of a malaka; slink off into a corner you fucking asshole and shut the fuck up.

Holy shit, I sound like the love child of Jude andAshley Morris. Fuckin’ A. Hmm, does the A stand for Athenae?

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8 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Rudy Giuliani

  1. Luke Gordon says:

    Hell, man, I live here in NY. The idea of that tin pot dictator bombarding my airwaves for the next year disgusts me. That said, Guiliani trying to cater to the rabid right wing, and then trying to move back to the middle for the general election would be a political contortionist act of the first order, and probably land him in the wheel chair of hypocrisy, complete with political consultants in traction.

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  2. “…the love child of Jude and Ashley Morris.”
    OMG I guffawed over that line! 🙂
    Rock on Adrastos…

    Like

  3. Adrastos says:

    I’m being followed by my facebook friends. Oh no…

    Like

  4. ethan says:

    Excellent post. And a side note: did you know that the Giuliani admin. often used the phrase “buckets of blood” to describe nightclubs in its insane war on nightlife?
    http://www.villagevoice.com/2001-07-24/specials/letters/

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  5. minusp says:

    Dog, that man needs a medical crisis… but that would give him even more “news”minutes… I’d love to see him take on either Cuomo or Gillibrand, it would end the MSM infatuation real quick. Neither one would prevent “unnamed sources” from dishing on the Queen o’ NY on a daily basis. Probably the biggest difference between Andy and Mario is that Mario might or might not have kicked ya while ya were down, but Andy will hit ya with the shovel.
    Kirsten Gillibrand as Tracy Flick? I don’t know whether to laugh or cry… at least it’d not Al d’Amato anymore…

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  6. Marco says:

    You sound like you were channeling Ashley. You did good mon. And you are spot on with the Andrew Cuomo remark.

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  7. Elspeth Ravenwind says:

    Adrastos, you knew who I was last December before I was on FB…silleh!

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  8. Adrastos says:

    I did indeed. I was also referring to my music geek friend, Luke.
    Ethan, I seem to recall the buckets of blood thing now but wasn’t thinking of it at the time. I guess it was Andre Breton style automatic writing.

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