Malaka Of The Week: Tim Williams

I hadn’t planned to do a malaka of the week for New Year’s Day but sometimes the malakatude reaches out and slaps you in the face. You’re probably asking yourself, Tim Who? I’d never heard of him either until this moronic stunt hit the front page of the Picayune:


A Lacombe man and his daughter hatched an unusual practical
joke to entertain themselves as they drove down Interstate
12: tie the girl’s hands, duct-tape her mouth and watch
the startled expressions as their fellow drivers noticed the
apparent kidnapping in progress.

It was apparently a very realistic depiction. But the
man’s fellow motorists, who boxed the pickup in until
law enforcement arrived, and the deputies who arrested him,
weren’t laughing.

Tim Williams, 45, was returning to St. Tammany Parish
with his 12-year-old daughter after picking her up from his
ex-wife at the Texas state line Wednesday afternoon when the
two came up with the idea, said St. Tammany Parish
Sheriff’s Office spokesman Cpl. Sean Beavers. During
the stunt, duct tape was used to bind the girl’s hands
and cover her mouth, Beaver said.

“I don’t know who in their right mind would
want to play at a child abduction with their 12-year-old
daughter,” he said.

It’s unclear when the two first started the stunt,
but at least three motorists called 9-1-1 to report an
abduction after seeing the girl bound and gagged in the
front seat of the pickup about 3:50 p.m. as the vehicle
passed the Louisiana 1077 exit on I-12, Beavers said.
Deputies rushed to the highway as several motorists
surrounded the truck in an attempt to keep the supposed
kidnapper from getting away, he said.

The patrol cars caught up with Williams at the Louisiana
59 exit and learned it was all a prank when they pulled
Williams over, Beavers said.

Because of the severity of the situation, Williams was
booked into the St. Tammany Parish jail in Covington with
criminal mischief and contributing to the delinquency of a
minor before being released later in the day on a $3,000
bond. His daughter, who was not identified because she is a
juvenile, was cited for criminal mischief and released to
the care of an uncle, Beavers said.

I don’t usually post such long quotes but this was such a doozy that I couldn’t top the Picayune. Why on earth did this douchebag:

a) think this was funny and

b) think that in world full of cell phones, nobody would call the state police?

He’s a malaka, that’s why.

19 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Tim Williams

  1. My new year’s resolution is to never do anything that stupid. That’s one I think I can keep.

  2. I actually think that this is more a symptom of our current humorless, overly intrusive society than it is of any malakatude on the father and daughter’s part. If they wanted to make a satirical point about the general paranoia I’d say they succeeded.

  3. I don’t trust the girl or the dad to be telling the truth about it, either. Something smells really fishy about the whole situation — maybe not like an actual abduction, but I’d be watching the dad for signs he’s an abuser under an electron microscope. Someone who thinks it’s funny to tape his daughter up with duct tape needs his head read.
    Also, is anyone else finding the “picked her up at his ex-wife’s” to be ahuge red flag? He reads like one of these entitled fucksticks who tries to use his kid to play headgames with his ex to me. See also Big Warning Signs of Abusers.

  4. Any judge that even considers allowing this douche visiting rights in the future needs to be castrated with a dull knife before his lynching.

  5. A, That’s their problem. What makes people decide they can draw their own conclusions about what’s going on in the car next to them in the first place? It’s the impulse to intervene in other people’s business that’s the problem here. The other motorists assume 1) They know exactly what’s going on in someone else’s vehicle 2) They should say or do something about it. Really is the height of ugliness if you ask me.

  6. Jeffrey, this is a guy who doesn’t understand the importance of context. If he and his kid were walking along the parade route on Mardi Gras day nobody would fetch a cop. He’s driving on the interstate. What if it wasn’t a sick joke? Are you saying that people should just let someone kidnap a child? This is taking your typical contrariness too far.

  7. I’m saying that people generally shouldn’t be so quick to insinuate themselves into other people’s lives. The other day, you wrote a nice summary of good and bad societal trends of the past decade. One of your complaints had to do with a blurring distinction between public and private lives. I see this as another facet of the same phenomenon. Everyone seems to feel like they have the right to interfere in other people’s lives regardless of how much or how little they understand what’s happening.

  8. I kind of feel like we’re all watching one another a little too closely, I guess. We’re all sort of turning into that crazy old guy who sits on the porch and complains about what the kids in the neighborhood are wearing.

  9. Jefferey, while I certainly agree that we as a nation are starting to pay too much attention to each other, that father opened up the Reality Show Contract when he went public, if his story is true that they were just doing a prank. A prank on whom? Us?
    If his story is not true then we have a problem here.
    Duck tape was the favorite of Dennis Rader the BTK Strangler, while rope was the preferred binding for Elisabeth Smart for 15 YEARS.
    -It is estimated that approximately 800,000 juveniles (under 18) are reported missing each year.
    -“Family kidnapping” accounts for nearly 50% of all child kidnappings.
    -“Acquaintance kidnapping” (kidnapping by person(s) known to the family account for over 25% of all child kidnappings.
    -“Stranger kidnapping” accounts for nearly 25% of all child kidnappings.
    -Kidnappings account for 2% of all reported violent crimes against juveniles.
    But let’s say this ill-bred White Trash Feak’0’lay was kidding, that he was attempting “Satire”, and address the Contract of Public Theater.
    If you jump onto the stage and tell everyone that your child is trapped in a runaway balloon when in fact they are hiding in the garage, and you are doing this for attention, then this entire argument of Public Privacy flies out the window.
    If this grease ball cracker was in fact snatching this girl against her will, then there again his right to privacy has been compromised and it is time for us to protect that child from either the former (bad sense of humor) or the latter (potential child molestation).
    The fact is that a child is abducted every 30 minutes in this country, often by child molesters who understand the ambivalence of societal norms. The Child Molester uses the philosophy of privacy to mask their movements. I’m not saying they are smart, just that they use people’s innate respect for privacy to hold their children captives.
    Finally, I grow increasingly doubtful that Americans in general are capable of truly understanding their rights to freedom of association, much less where that right places them in the body politic. Hence we have this ambiguity on the difference between duct taped abductions and torture? Makes sense to me, then we can have a dipshit bind his daughter and drive around in public without anyone pulling him over to ax WTFMFR?
    Duct Tape simply is no longer a safe word. Try saying Green Balloons with your mouth duct taped.
    What if that had been a black car with tinted windows that pulled in for gas, the back door opens and out steps a beefy guy with little sunglasses, and inside on the backseat you see a person ducktaped, gagged and hooded trying to writhe toward the open backdoor but they are obviously too drugged to make it… do you then say to yourself, “None of my business.” Or do you ask the beefy guy about it, and when he says “Ah, we’re just kidding around, making a statement about Special Renditions,” do you then think “OK, funny haha, a little weird but hey we live in a free country where it is alright to bound someone up just for kicks”.
    In the former (redneck Dad) you have a Public Statement, while in the latter (Rendition) you have a crime in progress… which is which? And how do we find out on the spot?

  10. In your hypothetical, I definitely definitely definitely say “None of my business” and hope to heaven I haven’t already seen too much anyway.

  11. Interrobang, I’m with you – a ‘father’ binding and gagging his daughter ‘for kicks’ bears A need for a LOT of scrutiny.
    When I was a kid and my dad had visitation time w/me, we’d ‘have ‘fun” by going to the zoo, going to the toy/bookstore, hanging at the park, going for hamburgers – NEVER EVER did bondage/restraint EVER come up as a ‘lark’.
    Privacy in a car? Seriously? So, if they were to have seen a driver pulling on a bottle of Jack or whatnot alcoholic beverage – noone is to call it in since drunk driving is illegal? Not to mention KIDNAPPING someone is against the law. Who knows what other ‘pranks’ this creep/malaka/efftard has perpetrated. Psych eval, pronto.

  12. Jeffrey’s saying the “humorless” people in this story are the motorists who were alarmed by this idiotic stunt on a public road? Gracious. This isn’t a good example of people being too “intrusive”, especially since this father/daughter team were performing precisely so they could ATTRACT attention, apparently in an unfunny way that alarmed people.
    If someone from St Tammany parish wants to see alarmed expressions, they should just tell people they love President Obama.

    I totally missed the St Tammany angle of this dangle.
    Oh Jeez Louie.
    Jeffery, I am wit’you really, despite the chipped teeth I know such a notion engenders, but plagued by witnessing just such a scenario sorta, during the flood, it wasn’t cops, the “perp” wasn’t hooded, the big guys had guns, it was fast, that’s all I’m saying. I to this day wonder what the fuck went down outside the Federal Reserve building.
    But…buuuut… we really need to know what we are seeing in this country. What we see seems often to be getting increasingly statistically Not what is happening.
    But beside that, if I see some guy acting so weird with a little girl, I’m stepping in to the show don’t give a fuck. I’ll apologize later.

  14. Jeffrey –
    I sure hope that I’m not the guy bound, gagged, and drugged and trying to escape from someone at a gas station that you see and ignore thinking it’s “none of your business”.
    Or that it’s you and someone else with your views on public privacy sees you and does nothing, and the authorities find your lifeless body in a vacant lot 3 weeks later.

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