Quitting Time Booster Shot: Road Show Edition

Spending Valentine’s Day weekend at a journalism convention with the Missus. One of the benefits for her is that I’m gone all day doing work, she can hit every yarn store on this side of the Mississippi and she still gets to enjoy the nice food and amazing suite the folks here were nice enough to provide for us. Seriously, it’s a two-story suite. I didn’t even know they made these things.

– On the road trip out, we got stuck in a traffic jam that ground I-94 to a standstill and forced us to spend about an hour on the highway, just to go eight miles. When that kind of thing happens, I can get either seriously angry or seriously slap happy. The latter happened, leading to this exchange:

Me: You ever notice there’s a societal bias against women who trade in sex because they use crack?

Her: What?

Me: Seriously. They are referred to as “crack hos.” There’s no male equivalent. And what if you’re doing it for weed or something?

Her: Oh God…

So, here’s what we came up with to fix this problem:

A man who will blow another man for crack: Pipe stem or Pipe cleaner

A woman who will do you for marijuana: Pot Hole

A man who will do you for marijuana: Weed Whacker

A man who will do you for cocaine: Snow blower

A woman who will do you for cocaine: Coca-Ho-La

A woman who will do you for meth: Anti-hista-Jean

There was more, but I forgot.

– Went to eat a restaurant last night where good fortune smiled on us. A lady at the table next to us had a spare $25 when you spend $35 gift card and she could only use one of them, so she gave it to us. Three drinks, two apps, dinner and a dessert to die for cost us $18 with tax and tip. Minnesota: Where cheap gorging happens.

– The week devolved in an interesting fashion as it pertained to the Classic. I was pulling out a set of broken window liners and so I needed to order another set. The place I always buy from had them on back order for a week. Then, the week became two, which became April 19. I cancelled the order, ordered from another place and they told me after I paid it would be about three months, if I got them at all. The third place I called had just run out and would likely not get a shipment until May. Finally, I asked the guy what was going on. Turns out the company that makes a minor, minor portion of that part has gone bankrupt and no one knows when/if these parts will ever be available again. Panicking, I turned to a weird repro business via ebay and bought the last set they had. Turns out they didn’t know about this, which is why the cost was still relatively low. If they arrive on Tuesday, I’ll say my three novenas in the name of St. Jude and then fix my car.

– Had a session with about 13 kids in it that was supposed to last four hours today. A kid in the front row immediately asked if I would cover certain specific things. I agreed, as it was their session and they paid and extra $50 to hear me speak. Five minutes in, the kid and her friends are talking loudly, texting and not paying any type of attention. At the first break, about an hour in, all five of them left and didn’t come back. I felt a bit bad about this and told the guy who had me here to speak about it. His reaction: “To hell with them. They paid their $50. It’s probably better that they left.” He was right. The kids who stayed and I had an awesome time.

– Breakfast this morning was on the 30th floor in the concierge lounge. Eggs, sausage, smoothies, fruit, lox and more. The Missus looked at me and said, “I now understand why you work your ass off for these people.”

Thanks for letting me share your air. Be back next week.

Doc

3 thoughts on “Quitting Time Booster Shot: Road Show Edition

  1. PurpleGirl says:

    Enjoy your conference. I hope your wife has fun, lots and lots of fun, at the yarn stores. (Another person who looks up stores when she travels.)

  2. pansypoo says:

    has she heard of WEBS? or kaffe fasset? i have been FREED from enough yarn for a whole sweater. FIE! tho no longer get 5 inches of their yarns.

  3. Adrastos says:

    Loved the punning bit. A good way to kill time on the road.

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