I’m Sorry, I Need You To Step In Now

I’m just … I can’t … guys, I’ve been huffing antihistamines for the past week nonstop and drinking coffee/tea/Diet Coke by the gallon because deadlines don’t care if your husband brought a cold back from his vacation nor do they allow time for natural remedies like sleep and Keanu Reeves movies. And everything tastes like cardboard or metal or metallic cardboard because of the cold medicine, so I’ve been eating pretty much potato chips, sometimes. And forgetting to take my vitamins. And the insomnia is back with a vengeance and the time change didn’t help.

I’m not saying this to freak anybody out, this is how it works, but right now my brain is completely and utterly … It’s hard to wrap my head around the idea of driving a car, much less dissecting the news that CBS can think of no greater event in the decade than a guy who cheated on his wife playing a round of golf.

What I’m saying is, you’re going to have to take it from here:

As the formal part of its annual NCAA basketball Media Day drew to a
close last week, a reporter approached CBS News and Sports presidentSean McManus to talk about a subject other than college basketball.

“News?” McManus asked.

No.

“Football,” McManus pressed again.

Nope.

“The Masters,” McManus said.

The executive was told he was getting closer.

McManus smiled. “Tiger Woods.”

Yes, that man again. Last week a number of outlets, including the Associated Press, Fox Sports.com andNew York Times, reported that Woods wastargeting the Masters for his return to competitive golf. How big a media event will this be?

“I
think the first tournament Tiger Woods plays again, wherever it is,
will be the biggest media event other than the Obama inauguration in
the past 10 or 15 years,” McManus said.

The reporter — taken aback by that claim — asked if he had heard correctly.

“It
is hard to overestimate how much interest there will be,” McManus
continued. “Tiger Woods is the most famous, most recognized, most
accomplished athlete in the world, and his celebrity and prominence is
even larger than it was. When you look at the fact that he gave a very
simple press statement with no questions and every broadcast and cable
news network in America carried it with great interest, I think that is
an indication that whatever he does has enormous interest. And whatever
he does on the golf course for the first time since Thanksgiving will
be of interest to almost every man and women in this country.”

BECAUSE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

A.

7 thoughts on “I’m Sorry, I Need You To Step In Now

  1. FeralLiberal says:

    Just another example of why if pro sports vanished forever I’d hardly notice…or care.

  2. montag says:

    Golf is the game of the Masters of the Universe, along with all the MOU wannabes.
    And Tiger Woods is their field marshal, their club pro.
    Of course, the major networks are going to treat his return to tournament play as if it were the start of the second Gulf War, `cause the media CEOs play golf with other MOUs.
    This is a strange, strange country.

  3. liprap says:

    He-Man plays golf?

  4. paper says:

    Too bad it’s an exclusive club. Be nice to show up with “I slept with Tiger” signs in the gallery on every hole.

  5. MapleStreet says:

    I had no doubt that he was gonna lay low for a while and then step back in.
    But the speed of him coming back is shocking. Only 3 months. And in those 3 months the only tournaments he’s missed are the highly coveted winter snow-golf events. (For those who don’t have snow, you play with a brightly colored ball. Usually done as a charity event with amateur players.).

  6. hoppy says:

    I expect that Tiger will have difficulty making the cut in his first tournament in several months. That is, unless he has spent those months in constant practice on the course. So, I won’t be betting on him winning this years Masters. I do hope he is competitive though, and lasts till the end, because watching him play makes golf entertaining, something it normally isn’t.
    Now that I think of it, wasn’t Tiger involved with something that caused a bit of a flap? I think I recall something like that.

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