They call me Shecky, not to be confused with Ishmael. I surface periodically to take punches at the MAGA cult and their Dear Leader. My goal is to make them slap happy. It did not, however, work with that gloomy Gus Captain Ahab. The man wouldn’t know a joke if it bit him in the ass.

Now that I’ve mocked Melville, we begin the week with a quote from the Insult Comedian:

“The problem that we have is, they say that Trump does great when he’s on the ballot, but when he’s not on the ballot, his people don’t come and they don’t vote for senators, congressmen and other Republicans,” Trump said.

The Kaiser of Chaos is notorious for creating his own reality. He wants his followers to open their very own MAGA fantasy camp. Does he also want them to refer to themselves in the third person? The last top shelf American politician to refer to himself in the third person was Bob Dole. That didn’t end well, at the end of his life he drank the Trumpist Kool-Aid.

I feel the need for a theme song. Trump probably thinks it’s this classic:

Wrong.

It’s this classic:

Thanks, Jackson.

Theatre Kid In Chief: Speaking of pretenders, we move on to the latest MAGA insult: Theatre kid. That’s right, theatre kid:

The White House assistant press secretary, Davis Ingle, recently dismissed Senator Jon Ossoff as a “cringeworthy, feminine theatre kid.” The taunt was hardly novel. Theater kid has become a curious little term of abuse on the right. Another Trump White House spokesperson castigated Senator Alex Padilla for pulling an “immature, theater-kid stunt” after he was forcibly removed from a news conference last year for asking then–Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem a question. Spencer Pratt recently branded New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani a “theater-kid commie.” Conservative pundits have decried progressives for engineering a “theater-kid-occupied government.”

Like most things MAGA, it’s projection. The Insult Comedian LOVES MUSICALS as much as he loves the Village People as Erik Forrest Jackson reveals in the Atlantic:

There’s just one wrinkle. Donald Trump is an inveterate theater kid. This should be obvious, but in case doubts remain, I have unique firsthand confirmation. In 2004, after The Apprentice had burnished Trump’s stardom, I interviewed him about Broadway, and the man gushed.

Our phone interview became “Bullish Over Broadway,” a ghostwritten first-person account of his love of theater in the glossy magazine Show People. “I have attended Broadway shows for years,” he told me during our chat. “It’s one of the great things about New York.” He added that he preferred musicals because “I deal in a tough business by day, I like a little relief at night.”

It’s more like bullshit over Broadway; make that bluster and bullshit over Broadway.

Repeat after me: Trump is the theatre kid in chief.

Is there anything real about MAGA? Its leader is a fugazi tough guy whose followers are all hypocrites. They should try looking in the mirror before hurling insults but that would require introspection, something alien to MAGA.

I should close the segment with a show tune but I just gave myself an earworm:

I’m sure the Donald grooved to the Bee Gees at Studio 54 whilst hanging out with theatre kids like Divine:

That disgusted look on Divine’s face sums up why I banned Trump featured images from First Draft. He wants his face and name plastered over everything. Why give the stupid motherfucker what he wants.

The Ballroom Bungle: Chief Justice John Roberts continues to give President Pennywise what he wants, when he wants it. He’s allowing construction to continue on the fakakta ballroom while Trump appeals an opinion telling him to knock it off. The opinion pointed out that presidents are tenants in the people’s house.  John Roberts should know that but he’s too far gone to do anything but say, “Yes sir” to this latest outrage.

The Insult Comedian has called Washington a swamp begging to be drained. Instead of draining it, he turned it into a jungle in which to bungle.

The Curious Case Of The Perky Stalker: I haven’t chimed in on the Natalie Harp mishigas yet, Cassandra nailed it in her Fatal Attraction post.

Natalie Harp is a stalker with Oval Office access. The disinformation she feeds to Trump is the biggest problem with her role as Super Sycophant. She appears to be behind some of Trump’s tackiest and creepiest posts. That’s eely weird:

Maggie Haberman has called Harp Trump’s security blanket and binky. I call her a perky stalker. Here’s how Trump calls her into the Oval:

Peace Is Not At Hand: Henry Kissinger famously claimed that peace was at hand near the end of the 1972 election campaign. It was a lie. The war dragged on for years.

I rarely make predictions but I’m going there: Iran will not cut a peace deal with Team Trump until *after* the mid-terms. They want the Kaiser of Chaos to suffer a humiliating loss. They are not alone.

It’s what the Iranians did in 1981, after all. They delayed releasing the American hostages until after Carter was out of office. The Iranian regime is out to prove that Donald Trump is:

Not Everything Sucks: Some New Orleans chefs have decided to strike back against fascism by partnering with the ACLU. It’s called Chefs for Justice and I’m pleased to note that Brigtsen’s is among those standing up for human decency. Dining there is one of my favorite ways to celebrate special occasions. To paraphrase Victor Laszlo in Casablanca: Welcome to the fight, Chef Frank. This time I know our side will win.

The last word goes to Cyril Neville.