Malakas Of The Week: Whiny Alabama Neo-Confederates

In a world full of real problems-including a financial shitstorm in my ancestral homeland-this week’s honorees are a bunch of whiny titty babies outraged about the removal of a piece of cloth from a Confederate monument near the Alabama state capitol. And that is why whiny Alabama neo-Confederates are malakas of the week.

If you’re like me and avidly read Tommy T,  you know that today’s wingnuts are into high drama and idiotic invective. They are also preternaturally delusional and prone to use Nazi analogies. My firm rule of political discourse is that if you resort to Nazi analogies, you’ve lost the argument. Ain’t nothing in Merica remotely as bad as the Hitler-Himmler-Goering-Goebbels gang:

Confederate flags returned to the cradle of the Confederacy on Saturday as hundreds of flag supporters arrived at Alabama’s Capitol to protest the removal of four rebel flags from a Confederate monument next to the building where the Confederacy was formed.

 Standing at the bottom of the Capitol’s steps, where 50 years ago Martin Luther King Jr. led a march for civil rights, Tim Steadman said it wasn’t right to remove the flags.

“Right now, this past week with everything that is going on, I feel very much like the Jews must have felt in the very beginning of the Nazi Germany takeover,” he said. “I mean I do feel that way, like there is a concerted effort to wipe people like me out, to wipe out my heritage and to erase the truths of history.”

Days earlier, Gov. Robert Bentley had ordered the flags taken down from the 1898 monument amid national controversy about whether Confederate symbols should be displayed on state grounds.

The whiny titty baby neo-Confederate malakas trotted out the Reconstruction era term scalawag to describe the very conservative Alabama Governor. Unfortunately the article spelled it “scallywag.” The reporter must have asked one of the neo-Conferderate malakas how to spell it. In my experience, dumbasses can’t spell. It’s part of their heritage as malakas.

More egregious malakatude after the break.

It gets better. The whiny titty baby neo-Confederate malakas have stolen a slogan from an entirely different kind of movement:

Via a Raw Story tweeter tube screen shot.

Let’s see, protesting police violence against young black men is the same thing as the ahistorical worship of a piece of cloth. Who knew? Here’s the deal: the Confederate battle flag was rarely seen until Strom Thurmond and fellow Dixiecrats stormed out of the 1948 Democratic Convention in protest of a fairly strong Civil Rights platform plank. In those days, they had nowhere else to go. The Republican ticket featured two Governors who were both progressive on racial issues: Tom Dewey and Earl Warren. That’s right, *that* Warren. That’s why they had to form a racist, segregationist party:


That’s why people who can see through the fog of history, intensely dislike the term “states’ rights.” The media at that time understood that this was merely white supremacy dressed up in a fancy ball gown and called them the Dixiecrats. 1948 was when the revival of the Confederate battle flag began. Then it became the emblem of massive resistance to desegregation, the Warren Court, and equal protection under the law for black folks. Some heritage. Some tradition.

The Alabama Confederate battle flag so beloved by the whiny titty baby Alabama neo-Confederate malakas was first hoisted in 1956; and its Columbia, SC counterpart, not until 1962. So much for heritage  and tradition. It’s just another attempt to put lipstick on a three-toed sloth. It’s still ugly. I happen to think pigs are kinda cute so I chose an uglier critter for the analogy. It works for me, y’all.

I wish the whiny titty baby Alabama neo-Confederate malakas would adopt this version of the Confederate flag. It was official, not just flown by the Army of Northern Virginia:


It’s called the white man’s flag and they could even put Southern Lives Matter in that pristine field of white. If you recall, it popped up in the rally picture I posted above. At least they’re semi-honest about their heritage of malakatude.

It’s time for the whiny titty baby Alabama neo-Confederate malakas  to end the drama. They are in no danger of being exterminated. What’s next for them? Are they going to put the Confederate battle flag on a Star of David before the Kenyan Mau Mau Marxist Nazi sends them off to FEMA camps? That’s where this feeding frenzy of bigoted dumbassery is leading. And that is why the whiny Alabama ne0-Confederates are malakas of the week. Get a life, y’all.

Speaking of stars fallling on Alabama, I’ll give Ella and Louis the last word:

I lied. I’ve always loved the Sintra version of the tune so here it is. The Chairman of the Board always had the last word in life, so he gets it in death as well:


7 thoughts on “Malakas Of The Week: Whiny Alabama Neo-Confederates

  1. At DKos I saw a picture of surrender flag labeled “The Only Confederate Flag That Mattered”.

  2. Surely they mean “White AND Non-White Southern Lives Matter,” don’t they?

    (Sorry to resort to sarcasm, and I won’t call you Surely again.)

      1. May a plague of Lenny and Squiggy’s descend upon your home: HELLO.

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  4. “What’s next for them? Are they going to put the Confederate battle flag on a Star of David before the Kenyan Mau Mau Marxist Nazi sends them off to FEMA camps?”

    Something like this has already happened. In Parma, Ohio (a Cleveland suburb), a Tea Partier currently displays the following items in his yard: an American flag, a Confederate flag, an Israeli flag, and a homemade sign saying “END ANTI-WHITE RACISM”.

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