John Oliver let loose on the Paris attackers on HBO last night. It’s a profane tirade worthy of our much missed colleague, Jude:
“After the many necessary and appropriate moments of silence, I’d like to offer you a moment of premium cable profanity … it’s hardly been 48 hours but there are a few things we can say for certain.
“First, as of now, we know this attack was carried out by gigantic fucking arseholes … possibly working with other fucking arseholes, definitely working in service of an ideology of pure arseholery.
“Second, and this goes almost without saying, fuck these arseholes …
“And, third, it is important to remember, nothing about what these arseholes are trying to do is going to work. France is going to endure and I’ll tell you why. If you are in a war of culture and lifestyle withFrance, good fucking luck. Go ahead, bring your bankrupt ideology. They’ll bring Jean-Paul Sartre, Edith Piaf, fine wine, Gauloise cigarettes, Camus, camembert, madeleines, macarons, and the fucking croquembouche. You just brought a philosophy of rigorous self-abnegation to a pastry fight, my friend.
“Nothing about what these arseholes are trying to do is going to work. France is going to endure,” he said before concluding, “So to the people of France, our thoughts are truly with you and I do not doubt there will be more to say on all of this as events unspool.”
Holy expletive delighted, Batman. He forgot Manet, Zola, Aznavour, and Truffaut but otherwise well fucking done, sir. Me, I’d like to kick these putains in the Balzac…
I’d like to add a hearty fuck you to all the wingnuts who went on about freedom fries and cheese eating surrender monkeys in 2002-3, BUT are now experts on France. Mange de la merde et mourir.
Here’s a link to a helpful guide to swearing in French.It’s some of the practical French you didn’t learn in high school. In my case, I was distracted by our weirdo teacher who claimed to be the reincarnation of Napoleon or some such shit. I once asked her if she was Napoleon I or III. I was rewarded with a proper Gallic glare…
Here’s Oliver’s bit live and very direct: