Malaka Of The Week: Kenny Havard (Not Harvard)

The last time a Louisiana state legislator wore the malakatude crown of thorns, his name lent itself to a punny parenthetical aside as well: John Milkovic (Not Malkovich.) In both instances, the legislator in question made an ass of himself in public and had no idea that he’d done so. Such cluelessness is malakatude in a nutshell, and that’s why Republican State Rube Rep Kenny Havard (Not Harvard) is malaka of the week.

Since Malaka Havard (Not Harvard) attended Jackson High School,  I briefly considered calling him the Jackson Jackhole but I didn’t want Bravo’s Andy Cohen coming after me with some angry Real Housewives in his wake: Nene Leakes scares the shit out of me, y’all. And jackhole is Andy’s jam. I’ll just flip a table and stick with mine: malakatude.

Malaka Havard (Not Harvard) came on my radar screen for the first time yesterday. The Gret Stet House was debating a measure about adult dancers; a nice way of saying strippers. There are legitimate concerns about underage dancers so the proposal in question requires they be 18 or older. A measure that even Silvio Dante might enforce at Bada Bing. Mr. Havard (Not Harvard) offered a patently sexist “joke” amendment to the bill. Here’s how the Advocate’s Rebekah Allen described the scene:

State Rep. Kenny Havard, R-St. Francisville, officially submitted a written amendment to legislation that would have mandated dancers at strip clubs be no older than 28 and no heavier than 160 pounds. When challenged by other legislators, he quickly withdrew the amendment and later called it a joke about overregulation.

“Looking out over this body, I’ve never been so repulsed to be a part of it,” Rep. Julie Stokes, R-Kenner, said on the House floor after the amendment was pulled. Stokes said the amendment was just the latest exercise in commonplace misogyny that women in the Legislature frequently endure. “It has got to stop. That was utterly disrespectful and disgusting.”


As the bill was being presented, Havard — saying he wanted to “trim the fat” — offered his amendment. He withdrew the amendment after another lawmaker called it offensive.

But Havard didn’t apologize and said he doesn’t regret his joke.

“No, it was meant as a poke that we’re overregulating everything around here,” he said in an interview. “It was a joke, that’s why I pulled it. But it was satire to say, ‘Hey, when are we going to stop overregulating everything?’ ”

Despite his objection to overregulation, Havard voted for the bill, which passed the House 96-0. He said it was unnecessary to apologize but that he respects Stokes.

During debate on SB468, other legislators made light of the situation by throwing single dollar bills on a table next to the podium.

Dollar bills? Cheap bastards. Here’s the deal: there’s a time and place for satire and the floor of the state lege ain’t it. And offering “joke” amendments on the people’s dime is neither funny nor appropriate. Besides, jokes about people’s weight and looks aren’t funny: kicking down rarely is. There is, however, some fat that *could* be trimmed, that ugly mass sitting atop Havard (Not Harvard’s) neck. He’s clearly a fathead as well as a malaka:

Malaka Havard (Not Harvard) trying to measure up. Photograph by of the Advocate staff photo by Stacy Gill.
Malaka Havard (Not Harvard) trying to measure up. Advocate staff photo by Stacy Gill.

Why is it that guys who say sexist shit like this in public are always toads? Malaka Havard (Not Harvard) should look in the mirror some time. He’ll either see himself, Rush Limbaugh, or perhaps Ed Rendell. Unlike Havard (Not Harvard,) Rendell has apologized for his ugly comments. He *is* from Philly, after all. That’s not an excuse just an explanation. BOOOO.

Back to Kenny Havard (Not Harvard.) His wikipedia entry has already been updated with his latest dubious triumph:

On May 18, 2016, Harvard [sic}, in an apparent attempt at humor, introduced an amendment to a bill requring [sic] that strippers be over 21 years old. His amendment mandated that strippers also be no more than 28 years old and weigh no more than 160 pounds. He later withdrew the amendment but would not apologize when accused of sexist disrespect by a female member of the legislature, claiming that his amendment would have applied equally to male strippers.

What a card. One interesting factoid I learned whilst scanning his wikipedia entry is that he’s apparently married to one of the Shondells but it’s not Tommy James.  Seriously, his wife’s name is Shondell. I wonder if Crimson and Clover is their song? He should really stop making jokes about Hanky Panky and try some Crystal Blue Persuasion instead. Btw, I quite like the name Shondell. I hope she gave him a stern talking to after yesterday’s legislative mishigas. I doubt it would help: guys like Kenny never listen and rarely learn from their mistakes. He oughta just drink some Sweet Cherry Wine, shut the fuck up, and stop wasting the taxpayer’s time and Mony Mony. End of extended classic rock pun riff. Please pass the bubblegum…

The only good thing to come of this is that it kickstarted a discussion of sexism at the Gret Stet lege. I know you’re shocked to hear that such a thing exists. This episode deserves ridicule whereas the anti-choice laws coming out of the lege are no laughing matter. I ranted enough for one week yesterday hence today’s mockery of  the Jackson Jackhole. There’s worse to come from the Gret Stet lege, and that’s another reason why Kenny Havard (Not Harvard) is malaka of the week.

I’ll give Tommy James without the Shondells the last word:

Holy crap, I’d forgotten that REM covered Draggin’ The Line for an Austin Powers flick. I better give them the last word then or they’ll take away my Michael Stipend:

3 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Kenny Havard (Not Harvard)

  1. The only thing funny about this situation is that an extremely unfuckable jerk is dictating the terms of women’s attractiveness as a joke.

  2. I knew we were dealing with a fat fuck before you even showed the picture of all his chins.

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