Of Grifting, Lotion, & Ass Kissing

The almost comically corrupt Scott Pruitt was finally forced to resign by his fellow grifter, Donald Trump. Pruitt had hung on so long via a relentless campaign of flattery, brown-nosing, sucking up, and ass kissing. This president* is too stupid to realize when he’s being played. Besides, Pruitt was a fellow grifter so how could he fire him for being a crook? Grifters of a feather, flock together.

Pruitt’s resignation letter is a masterpiece of fulsome-n-obsequious praise:

My desire in service to you has always been to bless you as you make important decisions for the American people. I believe you are serving as President today because of God’s providence. I believe that same providence brought me into your service. I pray as I have served you that I have blessed you and enabled you to effectively lead the American people. Thank you again Mr. President for the honor of serving you and I wish you Godspeed in all that you put your hand to.

Did anyone else know that Jesus was big on despoiling the environment? Ya learn something new every day.

My favorite passage in the letter is where Scottie threw a pity party for himself and invited Trumpy to join in:

It is extremely difficult for me to cease serving you in this role first because I count it a blessing to be serving you in any capacity, but also, because of the transformative work that is occurring. However, the unrelenting attacks on me personally, my family, are unprecedented and have taken a sizable toll on all of us.

Unprecedented personal attacks? I guess they’re nicer to grifters in Oklahoma than they are in the mean old Washington swamp. There was nothing unprecedented about the attacks and Scottie exposed his family to ridicule by trying to grift jobs for them. Holy self-inflicted wounds, Batman.

The bad news is that Pruitt’s deputy is equally committed to environmental destruction. Andrew Wheeler is a former coal lobbyist who loathes big guvmint and thinks climate change is for the birds. Dead, oily birds. He’s a much slicker version of Scottie, which is bad news for us doom and gloom tree hugger types.

I will miss watching Scottie grift but I’m glad that he’ll have more time to spend with his Ritz Hotel lotion. Besides, we’ll still have Ryan Zinke and Wilbur Ross to kick around.

I  hope the taxpayers get a refund on Scottie’s cone of silence. Maxwell Smart and the Chief want it back. A used mattress from the Trump Hotel simply will not do.

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