Your President* Speaks: The Scalise Files

There aren’t any Scalise Files that I know of, but the Impeached Insult Comedian made some bizarre comments about the mendacious minority whip from Metry at his unhinged acquittal celebration. Here are some excerpts via TPM:

“A man who is braver than me and braver than all of us in this room, he got whacked. He got whacked. My Steve, right? I went to the hospital with our great first lady that night — right, honey? — and we saw a man that was not going to make it.”

“A lot of wives wouldn’t give a damn. A lot of wives would’ve said, how is he doing? She couldn’t even talk, she was inconsolable. Most wives would say, not good, listen I’m going home now. The doctor came in and the wife was a total mess. She was really devastated. It really looked like he had a 20, 25 percent chance.”

“You’re more handsome now. You weren’t that good-looking. You look good now. He looks better now, can you believe it? I don’t know what the hell that is. It’s true. Better now.”

As always. Trump’s remarks are about him; one could even call him President* Projection but I have enough nicknames for him already.  The comments about “most wives” are sickening but typical of the Misogynist-in-Chief. It’s why the gender gap has turned into a gender canyon.

Steve Scalise is not now nor was he ever handsome. He looks like he’s wearing a chia pet on his head.  He does, however, make an excellent butt plug:

Perhaps President* Pennywise could give Steverino some combover tips. As I’ve said before, Trump’s hairdo resembles a dead nutria only without the scary orange teeth. There are tons of the little fuckers in the Gret Stet of Louisiana but they’re an invasive, not native species. At one point they were so prevalent in Scalise’s home parish of Jefferson that then Sheriff Harry Lee had his deputies shooting them in the canals. I am not making this up.

That was a non-sequitur worthy of the Impeached Insult Comedian, but I won’t insult his wife or anyone else’s for that matter. I’m shocked that he didn’t use Henny Youngman’s classic line:

I wonder if Trump has ever read Henny’s book? Even his oldest, stalest jokes are better than Trump’s material. Who am I kidding? Trump read a book?

Perhaps the Impeached Insult Comedian’s remarks about “most wives” were intended to ensure Melania’s presence if something bad happens to him. Nah. That’s giving him too much credit.

Take my president* please.

 

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