The government’s UFO report got lost in the news cycle last Friday. It was overshadowed by the Chauvin hearing among other things. The rebranding of our old pal the UFO as UAP (Unidentified Aerial Phenomena) also buried the story.

The unclassified UAP report released to the public is mercifully short; a mere nine pages. It wouldn’t have satisfied Mulder the believer but might have placated Scully the skeptic. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, click on this X-Files listicle link. I prefer the stand alone episodes myself.

I haven’t had the stomach to see what hardcore UFO weirdoes think of the UAP report. They’re bound to regard it with suspicion since it comes from the intelligence community. Surely, there’s a new deep state alien abduction conspiracy theory out there already.

The DNI breaks UAP into categories. That works for me. I like categories. It feels like Odds & Sods only with aliens.

The categories in boldface below come from the DNI report. I replaced the details with snide remarks. Hey, it’s what I do.

Airborne Clutter: Shit in the air. Beware of birds and plastic bags, they’ll fuck you up.

Natural Atmospheric Phenomena: Weather shit. I feel a song coming on:

USG or Industry Developmental Programs: Top secret shit.

Foreign Adversary Systems: Commie shit.

Other: Little green men. Thou shalt love thy alien neighbor:

Now that I’ve mocked the report, I think it constitutes a breakthrough. Pilots who were reluctant to report UFO sightings out of fear of being branded a nut, might just report a UAP. That’s the theory at least.

The report does not rule out the possibility that ET is phoning home as I write this.

I think something is out there but whether other species are more or less advanced than earthlings beats the hell outta me. As a Star Trek fan, I hope they’re more like Vulcans than Klingons. I have visions of Klingon restaurants where they serve live worms and blood wine with Klingon opera blasting. Haven’t we suffered enough?

The last word goes to Yes with the song that inspired the post title:

I wonder if Klingons eat Tormatoes…