To: All employees
From: Terry Siegel, VP of Marketing
Subject: Hey Gang!
Thanks to our corporate restructuring of the basic scalable elements need in the vertical dissemination of value-added products through a series of networked servers connected via fiber optics, we are projected to enjoy a brief productivity spurt proportionate to the rest of the undervalued market.
In lieu of this unexpected spike, we are still moving forward proactively with our plan to monetize our vertical information resources and reorganize the essential e-business units of our company.
The reorganization requires upper-management and upper-upper-management to identify the underachieving nodes within the corporate structure and de-emphasize their impact, thereby preserving valuable investor assets, and preserving our market niche.
One other thing: Vacate the building by noon today. Severance will be paid in office supplies.
2 thoughts on “Today on Tommy T’s obsession with random ruminations – ultimate corporate doublespeak edition”
I had a logging crew pull a stunt like that, back in the eighties. Reached over the side of the pickup and took two chainsaws home …
Severance will be paid in office supplies.
I hope that includes all computers.
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