The Impeached Insult Comedian issued a confusing endorsement in the Missouri GOP senate primary yesterday on ersatz Twitter. I tried to embed it, but WordPress wasn’t having it. I get it: who wants to slum with Trump’s Truth thingamabob? Here’s the ERIC endorsement:
“I trust the Great People of Missouri, on this one, to make up their own minds, much as they did when they gave me landslide victories in the 2016 and 2020 Elections, and I am therefore proud to announce that ERIC has my Complete and Total Endorsement!”
There are, of course, two ERICS in that race: former Governor Eric Greitens and current state AG Eric Schmitt. I know nothing about the latter, but the former is a S&M loving, wife-abusing Eric. Which ERIC was the Kaiser of Chaos on about? He’s declined to clarify matters. Clarity isn’t his strong suit, after all. He is, however, partial to other misogynistic misfits.
I’ve been wondering if it’s *another* ERIC. Trump likes celebrities so maybe it’s one of these guys.
We can rule out Erik the Red: he’s dead and spelled his name with a K, which is the funniest letter in the alphabet according to Groucho.
It’s not Eric Holder, he’s the Fast and Furious guy to the wingnuts.
It’s not Eric Idle, he’s a British citizen and some sort of zany lefty.
Erics Clapton and Burdon are ruled out as well even though Clapton is Trumpy on mask mandates. They’re both old Brits who are into the blues. Even celebrities have to be American citizens to run for the senate.
Eric Cantor is of the right political persuasion but he’s a retired Virginia GOPer who is making a boatload of bucks as an investment banker. Pity that Cantor didn’t become a cantor.
It’s not retired sports guys Erics Davis and Dickerson. Their politics are unknown to me. Besides, Herschel Walker is carrying the ball for MAGA jocks.
It cannot be Eric Bana. He was only the Hulk in one movie, which makes him a LOSER in Trump’s eyes. Besides, he’s an Australian citizen.
It’s not Eric Roberts because he’s not as famous as his sister, Julia.
In my Eric-based research, I stumbled into these guys whose real first name was Eric but changed it along with their surnames:
Eric Blair DBA George Orwell is a long dead Brit so it can’t be him.
Eric Bishop DBA Jamie Foxx lives in Southern California. Trump only endorses carpetbaggers celebs from adjoining states like Mehmet Oz of New Jersey or is that Pennsylvania?
Eric Reed Boucher DBA Jello Biafra is a leftist punk rocker. I was shocked Jello isn’t his real first name. #sarcasm
The ERIC mystery boils down to Greitens or Schmitt unless it’s this ERIC seen eating a hot dog with deranged old dad:
The last word goes to a musical ERIC I omitted. Here’s Eric Carmen blowing a raspberry at the entire ERIC mishigas:
Seems like it was Eric-the-slightly-less-awful that won it.
No report on write-in votes for Eric-the-‘alf-a-bee.