Last month, I wrote some speculative satire about what would have happened at key moments in our history if Donald Trump had been president, Trump’s Improbable History, 19th Century Edition.

I explained why I selected the title in the previous post:

“The post title is inspired by a segment of The Bullwinkle Show. Let me give you a hint, it’s the one with a snooty talking dog, his boy Sherman, and the Wayback Machine: Peabody’s Improbable History.”

Shorter Adrastos: I was a cartoon kid.

The featured image is of the bombing of Pearl Harbor in 1941. In the 19th Century post, I used the burning of the White House in 1814. They both work since arson is an integral part of the Trump-Musk wilding.

Let’s set the Wayback Machine to the 20th Century and ponder WHAT IF the Insult Comedian had been president or a candidate at 8 crucial moments in American history.

1918: The Spanish influenza epidemic reaches America. It’s as lethal as trench warfare during the Great War. Bobby Junior is the first to chime in: His solution is herd immunity. It doesn’t work, so the Kaiser of Chaos advocates drinking bleach as a pandemic panacea.

Oops, that really happened in 2020.

1942: America and its allies are losing World War II. President Pennywise was disappointed that Germany declared war on us after the Pearl Harbor attack. He assumed the racist Hitler would betray Japan instead of honoring his alliance with them. Trump thinks alliances are for suckers, so he conducts secret negotiations with the Nazis, which succeed. Trump sells out our European allies, casting his fate with the dictator powers. Churchill and de Gaulle weep.

1952: The Insult Comedian is the Republican candidate instead of a bald general with a German name. His campaign has two planks: Support McCarthyism and revoke Truman’s executive order desegregating the armed forces. He calls desegregation a DEI plot against the real victims of prejudice: White men.

1963: Birmingham, Alabama top cop Bull Connor blasts non-violent civil rights protestors with fire hoses. Then he sics dogs on children. Most Americans are appalled but President Pennywise says, “There are good people on both sides.”

Oops, that really happened in 2017.

1969: American astronauts have landed on the moon. Trump takes credit for the mission’s success even though all the work was done by others. He lies to the country and claims that he ordered Alan Shepard to play golf. Then he discusses Arnold Palmer’s schlong.

One thing President Pennywise dislikes about the moon landing is the lack of branding. He wanted a Trump logo on the capsule, but some bureaucrat foiled his plan. That leads to a firing and a presidential tantrum.

1986: The space shuttle Challenger explodes. There are no survivors. Instead of consoling the nation, Trump blames “illegal aliens” and orders mass deportations.

1990: Iraq invades Kuwait. Saddam Hussein has been cultivating Trump with flowery flattery. The Kaiser of  Chaos says that Kuwait had it coming and that Saddam is a genius.

Oops, that really happened in 2022, just change the names to Russia, Ukraine, and Putin.

1999: Y2K paranoia is in the air. Instead of soothing the nation, President Pennywise whips up a frenzy of fear and loathing. When Y2K fizzles like a damp squib, Trump denies lying about it. Instead, he blames “illegal aliens” and orders mass deportations.

That concludes this stroll down WHAT IF memory lane.

The last word goes to The Kinks: