So you may have heard that President Grievance is going to get the big military parade he has been dreaming of ever since he’s seen the size of Putin’s, uh, display. He’s glomed on to the Army’s official birthday celebration because when your theme is “stolen valor”, you’d be remiss not to run that into the ground.
Some of you may remember when The Grievance Show was just a basic cable talk show where a DC newcomer tried to shake up the capital city with his madcap plans to do things like tear up the surface structures one of the most important cities in the country until those danged grownups showed up to thwart his plan.
Well, season 2 has begun and you know that’s where things go wrong.
For the spectacle Saturday — which is also President Donald Trump’s 79th birthday — thousands of soldiers, dozens of tanks and more than 100 other vehicles are scheduled for a procession on Constitution Avenue. The Army has stressed that it is taking protective measures to mitigate road damage, including installing metal plates at some potentially vulnerable points along the route, such as where the tanks will turn.
Constitution Avenue and other city roads maintained by local government generally support vehicles with a maximum gross weight of 80,000 pounds, according to the D.C. Department of Transportation. The Abrams main battle tanks — 28 of which are scheduled to participate in the parade — each weigh about 70 tons, almost double the street’s weight limit. The District requires a permit for any vehicle exceeding the limit. A spokesman for DDOT said that as of June 4, overweight-vehicle permits for the parade had been filed but were not yet finalized.
Like all Grievance productions, reality never lives up to the hype:
Although some vehicles still will begin at a Pentagon parking lot, the heaviest vehicles, such as the tanks, will arrive in the region from Texas by rail and then be trucked overnight to West Potomac Park in D.C.
Damn it.
This is also pretty funny:
The switch was primarily due to practical concerns about where Pentagon workers would park. “You fill up the parking lot with tanks, where do the cars go?” Warren said. “Frankly, it was going to be annoying.”
The more you read about it, the more the potential for disaster unfolds:
“We’re preparing for an enormous turnout,” said Matt McCool of the Secret Service’s Washington Field office, who said more than 18 miles of “anti-scale fencing” would be erected and “multiple drones” would be in the air. The entire District of Columbia is normally a no-fly zone for drones.
Army officials have estimated around 200,000 attendees for the evening military parade, and McCool said he was prepared for “hundreds of thousands” of people.
“We have a ton of magnetometers,” he said. “If a million people show up, then we’re going to have some lines.”
Als0, how are pe0ple supposed to get there? Downtown and the surrounding areas are going to be tied up.
And on Tuesday President Grievance made sure everyone felt welcome to just come on by on Saturday:
Trump threatens to use “heavy force” against anyone who protests his military parade this weekend, and note that he makes no exception for peaceful protesters
Even his own team doesn’t want to play along:
We surveyed 50 Hill Republicans to see who is going to Trump's parade on Saturday.Only six are planning to attend.
Hey kids, let’s put on a show!