Malaka Of The Week: John Cornyn

Kash Patel and Senator Cornhole.

Texas Senator John Cornyn is a repeat offender. He was malaka of the week in November 2013. In that post, I said that he looked like the Senator from Central Casting. That’s still true as is his egregious malakatude. And that is why John Cornyn is malaka of the week.

Cornyn faces a primary challenge from crooked Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton in his 2026 re-election bid. Cornyn is determined to go out crawling, instead of fighting. As a former Texas Supreme Court Justice and state Attorney General, he should know a thing or two about the rule of law. But like most Republican lawyers, the MAGA devolution has turned him into a shyster who’s highest priority is his own political ass:

Texas GOP leaders hailed the FBI’s apparent willingness to help them track down the more than 50 Democratic lawmakers who have left the state amid a messy redistricting fight, calling it a necessary step to end a standoff that has ground state politics to a halt.

But a day after Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas) said that FBI Director Kash Patel had assigned agents in San Antonio and Austin to assist Texas law enforcement in the effort, it was unclear what steps they were taking, if any.

The FBI has not confirmed Cornyn’s statement. And a person familiar with the situation said the bureau had not deployed any significant resources. As of Friday morning, state and local law enforcement had made no official requests for assistance, the person said, speaking on the condition of anonymity to discuss operational details.

Cornyn may look like a lion of the Senate, but he’s a scared rabbit in his dealings with the Kaiser of Chaos and his MAGA minions. Cornyn knows that the FBI has no role in the Texas Exodus. The mere request is improper and unethical. The Texas legislators have committed no crime whereas Gov Abbott is trying to steal House seats from Texas voters. Fuck him and the man I call Senator Cornhole.

Cornyn is a typical Republican Senator. They sold their souls to the Insult Comedian years ago. It’s even worse when a Senator supports something they know is wrong. That puts Cornyn in the bad company of Gret Stet Senator Bill Cassidy who knows the damage Bobby Junior is doing to the health care system but gives lip service to the MAHA maggots. Cassidy and Cornyn are weak men but Cornyn has a strong chin whereas Cassidy looks the part with his receding jaw line. The malakatude, it burns.

The legacy media buys into the lame excuse offered by GOPers when they do the wrong thing: Fear for their physical safety. I call bullshit; the only harm done to Republican rebels has been political, not physical. I know there are threats, but actions speak louder than words. No violence has befallen Bob Corker, Jeff Flake, Mark Sanford, Willard Mittbot Romney, or Liz Cheney. This MAGA inaction speaks louder than words.

What’s the point of holding high office if all you do is think of the next election? Legislative power is meant to be exercised, not handed off to the executive branch. This unitary executive shit is an affront to the constitution. So are craven cowards like Senator Cornhole. And that is why John Cornyn is malaka of the week.

Texans claim to be all manly and shit. It’s time to revoke Senator Cornhole’s Texan card. That’s why the last word goes to Lyle Lovett:

2 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: John Cornyn

  1. 😢 Cornyn is my senior Senator and that sickens me. I am sickened by Sen. Rafael Cruz and Gov. Abbott. I am also sickened by a prediction I made on this site last week…
    🤬 I don’t feel validated; I feel nauseated. Last Tuesday, I predicted the reason Trump made himself “king” of the LA28 Olympics was so he has a front row seat to personally find out which woman athletes have pussies and which are “evil trans fakers.” My prediction was apparently already true when I made it! It is written into the plans for Trump’s task force!! 🤬🤬
    https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2025/08/wants-to-bring-testing-back-to-the-olympics-hes-in-for-a-nasty-surprise/

  2. It will be a truly wonderful and humiliating end to what is an awful public career for Cornyn to lose the primary to a multiply indicted AG from The Gret Stet of Texas. I mean, how about giving having some honor a try you p*ssies in the GOP? Something like speaking out against the 100% clear power grab that Trump has proclaimed is his right would be a good start. Alas, we don’t live in the Sorkin-verse.

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