So back in September, a random Bluesky user and musician by the name of Patrick Cosmos dropped a bit of social media wisdom on the world that became a minor meme and for whatever reason, really blew up last week.

The wisdom, more accurately described as a theory, really hit home for a lot of us living through this hellhole of a timeline.

working on a new unified theory of american reality i'm calling "everyone is twelve now"

— Patrick Cosmos (@veryimportant.lawyer) 2025-09-08T00:37:18.685Z

Doubt this? Allow me to present the evidence, Your Honor:

• You like totally owe me $230 million, losers, for being mean to me.
• Approve my nomination and stop saying I suck or else I’ll tell my mom.
• The razor wit of the spokescretin of the President of the United States:

So the president of the United States plans to meet with Putin in Hungary, and when a reporter asked where that plan came from, this was the reply of the United States government http://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-…

— Adam Weinstein (@adamweinstein.bsky.social) 2025-10-17T13:23:37.119Z

• Are we sure that Elon Musk isn’t living a version of the movie Big?

Making friends, as usual, ahead of Q3 earnings. 🤡 @mediaite.com $TSLA http://www.mediaite.com/media/news/w…

— Carl Quintanilla (@carlquintanilla.bsky.social) 2025-10-21T17:04:09.085Z

• I mean, it’s a legitimate theory. “But he’s the richest man in the world how silly it is to refer to him as a 12-year-old.” True. Not like he is talking about building a robot army that only he is allowed to control.
• The President of the United States posted an AI video of him flying a jet fighter dropping poop on protestors, which is definitely a very mature response to disagreement.
• They even dress like 12-year-olds.
• And finally, do you remember how it used to be a thing in America where the president honored their predecessor, even if they were from the other party? Not anymore, we got sick burns from President Adolescent via the official White House portraits of past presidents.

One thing I will add is the Very Serious Minds of the Great American Discourse seem to be okay with all of this, especially when the 12-Year-Old-in-Chief is declaring old things stupid, I want a big new thing. I suppose they are 12-years-old as well.

The last word goes to Paramore.