I’ve been wracking my brain to come up with an original angle on the deeply stupid war or whatever it is against Iran. That problem was solved when I read a WaPo op-ed by the Persian pretender to the peacock throne. And that is why Reza Pahlavi is malaka of the week.

I have no illusions about the current Iranian theocracy. They’ve been in power for 47 years and have run the country into the ground. Iran should be a regional economic powerhouse, instead the regime has dragged it back to medieval times with its fundamentalist views and economic illiteracy.

The Islam Republic is a dictatorship that oppresses its people and ignores criticism from abroad. The Kaiser of Chaos’ calls for an uprising evoke similar statements by Poppy Bush aimed at the Kurds. In both instances, the calls resulted in slaughter and mayhem. It’s estimated that the regime has killed some 30K civilians this year. The figure comes from emigres, so some skepticism is called for but it fits the regime’s bloodthirsty pattern.

No good is likely to come from a conflict initiated by Netanyahu and Trump. The latter thinks this will be like the Venezuelan incursion but nothing in the Middle East ever goes as planned. Speaking of which, there doesn’t seem to be an American plan for what happens next. It feels like the aughties all over again only in a bigger country than Iraq.

That brings me to Reza Pahlavi’s op-ed. Read it then come back here. 

The piece fits in neatly with the WaPo’s new approach to punditry as Pahlavi oozes praise for the Insult Comedian. He claims that Trump is showing moral clarity in his dealings with Iran. Say what? Ain’t nothing moral or clear about Team MAGA’s Middle Eastern policy. It’s all about oil, dark money, and power. An unholy trinity with which the Pahlavi family is familiar.

Pahlavi bangs on about the restoration of Iranian freedom. Restoration? His father was almost as bloodthirsty as the mullahs. The last thing Iran needs is a return to the ancien regime of shahs and their ilk.

Most of the article is aimed at flattering Trump. We all know how susceptible to flattery he is. And Pahlavi lays it on thick.

“For years, my compatriots have called on the free world to stand with them. Now President Trump has answered their call. The Iranian people know they are not alone.”

The only voices Trump hears are those of strong men and billionaires. He’ll abandon the Iranian people as soon this frenzy passes.

There’s also this passage:

“Many Iranians, often despite facing bullets, have called on me to lead this transition. I am in awe of their courage, and I have answered their call. Our path forward will be transparent: a new constitution drafted and ratified by referendum, followed by free elections under international oversight. When Iranians vote, the transitional government dissolves.”

I, for one, remember his father’s reign as well as what happened after uprisings in Iraq, Egypt, Libya, and Syria. Pahlavi assures his audience of one that nothing like that will happen in Iran if he leads the “transition.” Only he can do it. Sound familiar?

I’m not buying what the Persian pretender is selling. He does, however, have support among Persian emigrees in Tehrangeles. But it strikes me as a terrible idea for a Pahlavi to be the face of the Iranian resistance. It’s likely to backfire and stiffen the regime’s resolve to hang on. And that is why Reza Pahlavi is malaka of the week.

Repeat after me: Cynicism is always in order when discussing the Middle East. It’s where optimism goes to die.

The last word goes to Jackson Browne: