I used to closely follow Gret Stet Senator John Neely Kennedy’s verbal antics. I even compiled his quotes in a 2018 piece for Bayou Brief, Neelyisms: Translating Louisiana’s Junior Senator.

I always call him Neely because as far as I’m concerned, there’s only one John Kennedy and it’s not the guy in the featured image. It was taken during Kash Patel’s bestiality hearing at which Neely tried to throw the idiot FBI director a lifeline.

The Bayou Brief piece was the height of my interest in Neelyisms. There are too many of them, most of which are cringeworthy and repetitive. I didn’t expect my phony senator to become a folk hero on the right, revered for his cornpone sayings and alleged authenticity. It’s all an act. John Neely Kennedy is as authentic as the Insult Comedian’s cotton-candy piss hair. Neely is actually an educated and intelligent man, not the Foghorn Leghorn/Mr. Haney character he plays on TV.

Neely has been in demand on the campaign trail in 2026. He’s trying to help the GOP save its senate majority, one corny one-liner at a time. The MAGA base eats it up even though lately the Neelyisms have been implicitly subversive and even skeptical of parts of the Trump agenda. I am not making this up.

That brings me to the post title, which was inspired by recent comments made by the former Democrat:

“I think that the people running Iran are reptiles. And they’re part of a colony of reptiles: China, North Korea, Russia and, as I said, Iran. The chief reptile, the quarterback, is President Xi in China. You can’t trust any of them.”

 

“It’s like the same hooker in different dresses. They all lie like timeshare salesmen. You can’t trust them. I wouldn’t turn my back on any of them, even if I thought and knew they were two days dead.”

The reptiles and hookers remark was made after the Kaiser of Chaos rolled out the red carpet for the Chinese Communist dictator. Neely considers him the chief reptile but his president thinks Xi is awesome. FYI, I think Putin is the QB of the reptile colony with Xi close behind. It’s sort of like the NFL in the 2010’s with Tom Brady as Putin and Drew Brees as Xi. Sorry, Drew it’s just an analogy: Brady gets the worst of it. He deserves it too.

You say axis of evil; I say reptile colony. Let’s call the whole thing off.

Neely has even put his cornpone wisdom in book form. I have no interest in reading it but I might as well post the cover:

The title is accurate in part: John Neely Kennedy tests negative for stupid BUT his fans think he’s a bona fide hick. Two of Trump’s favorite words sum up my view of Neely’s hickdom: hoax and fake. Everything Trump hates is either a hoax or fake and that goes for the soon-to-be senior senator from the Gret Stet Of Louisiana. John Neely Kennedy is a hick hoax and a fake country bumpkin.

The last reptile word goes to ZZ Top:

The last hooker word goes to Lady Gaga: