Baboon-a-palooza On the Gulf

From Holden:

Chimpy took his Social Security demolition derby, and bestest buddy Tom DeLay, to Galveston today.

Ah, good times.

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you all for coming. (Applause.) It is nice to be home. I want to thank the Mayor for being here. Lyda Ann Thomas greeted me coming in. I said, “Do you still have Splash Day?” (Laughter.) You have to be a baby boomer to know what I’m talking about. (Laughter.) I’m not saying whether I came or not on Splash Day, I’m just saying, do you have Splash Day. (Laughter.)

AFP/Jim Watson

Although he did not mention the words “trust fund” today, Chimpy is still casting doubt on Treasury Bonds.

You see, a lot of folks, I’m sure some right here in this audience, believe Social Security is a system where we take your payroll taxes and we hold it for you, and then when you retire, we give it back to you. That’s not the way it goes. We take your payroll taxes; we pay out the benefits to the current retirees; and with the money left over, we pay — pay for other programs. And there’s nothing left but file cabinets with IOUs. And that’s how it works.

Then he decided to throw a scare into the old folks.

A lot of seniors are worried about this topic being discussed; I understand that. They’ve been told, you know, somebody is going to take away your check, when it comes to modernizing the system. That’s been a part of the political rhetoric for way too long. The good news is, nobody has ever had a check taken away from them — yet — and nobody will.

Time once again to belittle folks with book-larnin’.

One of the things I try to do is surround myself with experts. We’ve got a Ph.D. with us today — Syl, it’s good to have you. He is a fellow who’s studied the Social Security issue. For those of you who are students, there’s an interesting lesson to be learned here. Syl obviously is a really smart guy, Ph.D.; I’m a C student. (Laughter and applause.) A couple of B’s scattered in there. (Laughter.) I want you to notice who’s the advisor and who’s the President. (Laughter and applause.)

Today Chimpy had Galveston County Judge Jim Yarbrough on stage with him to talk about his county’s retirement system, which the president is hoping to compare favorably to privatizatin.

JUDGE YARBROUGH: We guarantee a 3.75 percent rate of return.

Hmmm, Chimpy’s non-plan for private accounts does not guarantee a rate of return.

We are investing in government securities, direct obligation of the U.S. government, minimal risk. Not going to hit the home run with it, but it’s not going to take a step back. And so it’s very safe.

Government securities? You mean IOUs, worthless pieces of paper stuck in a filing cabinet somewhere?

What kind of plan is that?