Now that I’m done catching my breath after laughing so hard I fell off my chair reading the entry on “O” magazine, I have to ask:

Where has this blog been all my life?

Section Three we didn’t do because the kids were around and all the simpering I was doing had the odd effect of making me not want to be a pricktease for half an hour before letting him fuck me, as per W. Cameron Bruce’s instructions. However, if you choose to go this route, it is important to be totally submissive in bed. W. Cameron Bruce is concerned that Steve might think I’m easy. I don’t want Steve to think I’m easy, so I’m hoping he’s forgotten the times he saw my vagina dialated to ten centimeters. I’m so embarrassed about not wanting to keep my legs closed then. I hope he doesn’t think passing another man out my birth canal is slutty. Bruce mentions the importance of always letting the man initiate sex at least twice, so I guess blowjobs are out from now on, as that might be too much activity on my part. But as I said, after all this bowing, scraping, and slimy manipulation, I really didn’t want to do anything but lie on my back and think of that old Nastase/Connors tennis match from the 1976 U.S. Open, anyway.

I want this girl to come over so we can have drinks.

A.