If Tena And I Gave Our Livers A Death Wish: Chimpy’s National Address Liveblog

Transcript of Speech here. Tena’s in bold. I’m in white wine and penne with pesto.

I’m watching CBS. Schieffer’s sucking Bush off: the other day he said he takes responsibility. Wow, yeah, it’s pretty telling that that’s a remarkable thing.

He was trying to get Pontchartrain out right and did not make it.

He looks stoned. This is very weirdly framed. It’s in too close. I can see his lipliner.

This has Karen Hughes all over it – puke.

People in New Orleans were left at the mercy of criminals. Left by WHO? WHO LEFT THEM?

Criminals – YOU and your entire Junta

He’s reciting acts of courage. Note that he’s not able to cite any by his administration officials.

OH like your mother welcomed them –

“Among people who have lost much and suffered much … we are seeing that same spirit, a core of strength that survives all hurt.” Faith in God, he says. Never a speech without a plug for Jesus, Inc.

Is he holding his head at a weird angle or is it me?

Fuckme – I think Clinton wrote this –

Gas pipelines are operational. Oh, well, okay then, I guess we’re over it all.

This is going to give him a boost – this is the best I’ve heard him do; don’t know how he looks.

You know, he keeps listing these things that are okay now, and the point is not that things are okay now. It’s that they weren’t okay a week and a half ago, and your ass was nowhere to be found, Chimpmunkey.

Also, the open-necked shirt? Not loving it.

Shelters and churches, he says. Again with the Jesus PSA.

He’s starting to talk too fast and slur his words a little. You can hear him gasping a bit between words.

Yeah, call the FEMA number that doesn’t work, or that people can’t get through on. And another plug for small government: You may be fucked, but you won’t have to deal with bureaucrats.

Mentions the 60 billion in aid from Congress. Except for the Eleven REPUBLICANS who voted against it. Their generosity is hardly unprecedented, now is it, George?

You rebuilding – means Bechtel and Halliburton rebuilding. Well, the cat is snoring…

Goal is to get everybody out of shelters by October. Your mom doesn’t want them to stay in Texas, George. Have you had a conversation with her about that?

“movin’ down the Mississip” He fucking thinks he’s Mark Twain. Cheeeeerist

It’s not that he’s saying bad things now. Honestly. It’s that he said nothing of substance for two weeks, while people like the Senate Democrats and John Edwards were on top of it.

Housing is needed. MoveOn.org was all over that more than a week ago, Georgie.

All right, I’ll start doing vodka shots if he mentions “blame game.”

Federal funds will cover infrasturcture costs. Roads and bridges, schools, etc. The schools!

OH he’s trying to repair the damage big time – he’s making a case for a federal government that works – enumerating the agencies.

The accent is out tonight in force.

Where is the money going to come from? Where?

Overtime pay? You just jerked the minimum standard wage – you fucking liar LIAR!

Oooh, just mentioned Blanco and Nagin. The wingnuts explode in unison. Changing building codes to avoid a repeat of what we’ve seen. And to avoid any undue burden on your manufacturing pals, right?

George notes that he discovered poverty and discrimination through watching CNN. Calling for minority-owned businesses and families should own, not rent. Yet makes no mention of what he’s going to do to help that happen. I suppose people should just stop being so shiftless and get good jobs like yours, George.

Uh Oh – A sensible, well planned way – why do I get a cold chill?

Who’s going to be the Inspector General – Karl Rove?

And you absolutely hate affirmative action – what are you going to do here, Abe?

He’s got a kind of weird fixed smirk now. Proposing Congressional initiatives: Gulf opportunity zone, job-creation incentives, tax breaks, the usual. Loans for small businesses, which will end up going to radio stations in Wyoming, just like the terrorism grants.

Worker recovery accounts of $5,000 to draw on for job training and educaton and childcare. Urban homesteading act, giving federally-owned property to low-income citizens through lottery. Help from a charitable org like Habitat.

Drags out Armies of Compassion, houses of worship trope again. Reimbursing churches for charity. Nice.

Armies of Compassion? oh lord. Count on someone who cares – you lying little fuck. keep dropping those G’s. Clinton – here him come down on that name? Bastard.

USA Freedom Corps – now he thinks he’s FDR. oy.

Our cities must have plans for disaster? NOW? What the fuck has your department of homeland uber alles been doing for the last four years, you fucknut? Huh? NOW you’re going to review major city plans? NOW?

What happened to the money that went for those things that should have been in place already? Huh? Huh? Why wasn’t it already a priority? Because you have a sham government – no one has any competence starting with YOU.

“It was not a normal hurricane.” Yeah, and you knew it was coming for two days, and YOU WERE ON VACATION.

Ooh, just mentioned Sept. 11, and then segued into the suckitude of his government. “I as president am reponsible for the problem.” That’s one way of putting it. “And for the solution.” And I have a porch down here owned by Trent Lott I’d like to show you.

Overwhelmedddddd – – Whoa whoa whoa – greater federal government and great army role – no no no no – oooohhhhh shit

Congress – “oversight”? give me a fucking break. Hail Caesar!

Just mentioned the Great Chicago Fire. Get off my city’s side, George. You’re making it look stupid.

God again. Smirk. Smirk. Smirk.

We’re fucked.

A.