You Know What This Musical Needs? More Gay!

Maybe it’s just that I’m really smashed right now (a week on the NyQuil diet will lower your tolerance all to hell) but I’d like to make out with NTodd just a little bit.

Yes, showing two guys ride the mechanical bull together is just like glorifying a psychopathic dictator responsible for the murder of tens of millions of people, including homosexuals.� And dude, you’re so right that if we let the faggy fags from Queerville marry each other, their wives will be totally humiliated because, uh…they’ll never marry their wives, who will project forward to a time that they might have been married and got dumped and…did I mention that gay sex is icky?

Honestly, it’s time for these people to just grow the fuck up. People were having gay sex in Paris in the 20s before you were BORN, Medved, so God, just deal with the fact that someone, somewhere, will always be getting some in a very gay fashion no matter how many angry pearl-clutching reviews you write, no matter how many crocodile tears you shed over OMGWHATEVERWILLWETELLTHECHILDREN. No matter how many laws you pass. No matter how many nights you sit up wondering how deep the closet really ought to be. No matter how you try to drive it back to the Victorian age, nobody’s gonna stop falling in love and acting on that love because you said anything at all. Of the subset of Americans who would say they’re in love, a very small percentage give half a shit what you think, and maybe that’s what really bothers you, but I’ve got friends who can’t get each other sick leave because of your insecurities so pardon me if I’m not sympathetic about your tiny penis.

Read your high school Cliff Notes version of Romeo and Juliet again, asshole. Read Austen, read Bronte, read Blake. Think about the person you love in your life, think about what you wouldn’t do if she asked, and if the list is very long, well then pal, you need to seriously re-evaluate your sad little right-wing life. Understand what a bunch of dead people understand: love makes its own tragedies and triumphs, and whatever you might try to do to thwart it, love won’t be denied. All you’re going to do is make yourself look like a dick for getting in the way.

Schmuck.

A.

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