If You Are Looking For A Way To Be Against Gay Marriage

And you’re looking for a way that doesn’t make you a hateful, bigoted ass, a way that is based on something, anything other than that you don’t like gay people, give up.

There isn’t one:

When I was in the military, I thought one of my friends might be just trying to live a decent, honorable life with his partner of 10 years when you and your military police friends pulled him into an interrogation room and accused him of sodomy because he was living with a guy and not dating women. When you kicked him out of the service and dumped him 3500 miles from his home with no money and no job, I didn’t realize that he was forcing his lifestyle on you. I’m sure he’s sorry too.

I didn’t realize that you were offended by us when my best friend asked to be admitted to his partners’ hospital room while he was dying. You see, he’d lived with him for 20 years and they had shared their life together but had the misfortune of living in a state where people like him had no “legal status” and so his sweet love of 20 years died alone surrounded by people who thought that God had given him AIDS as punishment for the sin of homosexuality. He didn’t understand that your religious sensibilities were more important than his misguided need to be with his partner when he died.

All this time I thought you were forcing your sexuality on me, but now I know that I was forcing mine on you. I am so sorry that all my life, I’ve mistakenly thought that being left alone to live my life, to work and to have a home and family and to be allowed to love who I choose was just living my life – like you live yours.

Little did I know that all that time I was cramming my disgusting sexuality and lifestyle down your throat, forcing you to accept me and demanding “Special Rights”.

After the 2004 elections there was a lot of talk about a “backlash” against Democrats because of loving couples getting married in San Franscisco and Boston. It was all bullshit, of course. But I’d like to talk about backlash for a moment, because the more I hear from every third tight-permed neighborhood busybody that somebody’s “shoving their lifestyle down my throat” or “ramming their sexuality down my throat” or “gently inserting their huge, throbbing existence into my throat,” I move that much closer to being a one-issue voter in this regard. Because while I love freedom and equality and the rule of law, you know what else I love? Pissing off the sanctimonious. That’s the ice cream sundae of my world.

You want to talk backlash? I’ll give you a backlash, you paunchy ex-jock hanging out at the Alumni Club afraid some guy is gonna hit on you because he’s blinded by your sex appeal and can’t see what all the women in the place see: a guy who listens to Springsteen’s “Glory Days” and actually gets nostalgic about high school, you fucking kitchen appliance. I’ll give you a backlash, you upright churchgoing family of 2.5 and a dog that thinks seeing something that makes you uncomfortable constitutes an intrusion of some sort. You know what? Seeing stuff you don’t like is called America, and if you want to start outlawing stuff you don’t like, get in line behind me, pal-o-mine because I’ve got a list of shit that pisses me off that I’ve been making for years, and every time you mention your goddamn sacrosanct throat and what’s getting shoved down it, you move closer to the top. You want to see a backlash? Keep talking.

Because the more you spew your hateful, bitter bile, the more you hurt people like the poster above, the more you tear families apart, the more you reveal that what you care about is not states’ rights or judicial activism or even the role of your own particular faith in sanctioning marriage.

No, you just don’t like gay people, and you’re looking for a way to blame the victims here. Looking for a way to show how they’ve forced you to be a bigot by flagrantly existing in your personal universe. Trying to say they forced you to hate them by showing up and breathing, so that you don’t have to face the fact that you’re a prejudiced, closed-minded nitwit, and that’s all you’re concerned about.

That particular problem’s got nothing to do with your throat.

A.