Third Party Party Time

So my intent here is not to slam on the Pennsylvania Green Party for allowing itself to be purchased wholesale by the Republicans in order to fuck with an election:

So let’s get this straight: Not only did the Republicans pay for the Green candidacy, not only did they staff the Green candidacy, now it appears, if the writing expert is correct, Santorum staff members may have committed fraud for the Green candidacy?

My intent is to ask when we’re going to learn to do the same, for the love of God.

Are the Libertarians for sale? The Right To Life party? IS there still a Right To Life party? Could we maybe pick up some Montana Freemen or something for bargain basement prices? Hey, Pat Buchanan, your country needs you once again. Get your ass on the campaign trail. Roy Moore ’08! Is Ross Perot still alive? Let’s hook him up to a mic, make it a reality show.

I’m quite serious. As a tactic, encouraging some part of the Republican party to peel itself off in economic or religious revolt has much to recommend it. Of course, we wouldn’t be so stupid as to commit fraud while trying to hack away at the rock-hard coalition of xenophobes, homophobes, Jesus freaks, selfish rich bastards, gun-stockpiling overthrow-the-government types, that guy who thinks the FBI put a chip in his head and Operation Rescue’s clinic-bombing posse. We’d honestly find and support a dude who would appeal to a large portion of one of the aforementioned constituencies, because they’ve got to be frustrated with the Republicans by now. Especially the chip guy. Bush hasn’t done shit for him.

I mean, let’s ask the two or three Republicans who admit to reading this site, aren’t you sick of having to hang out with these people? If your kink is lower taxes, why do you want to be represented by some squirrel-skin-hatted buffoon who thinks the Rapture’s on its way? Likewise if you think squirrel fur is the hot new fashion accessory to wear when you meet Jesus, what the fuck do you care about economic policy anyway? You’re gonna be Rapturized pretty soon, it’s not like you can watch that big screen TV after you ascend. The right to lifers have got to be sick of being forced to choose between a guy who supports abortion rights and a guy who supports the death penalty; why not offer them a candidate who doesn’t necessitate that kind of agonizing choice? Hey, maybe James Dobson would do it. The Corporal Punishment Party. I bet their hats would be awesome.

Is there anybody out there who doesn’t think this is a good idea?