The Hookup

Otherwise known as the“how long after tomorrow before we forgive them and allow them room in the debate again?” question:


But let’s not get distracted. Point is — questionable hook-ups. We, as ordinary citizens, all know how we get out of this: you stop returning the crazy person’s calls. We promise never to bring it up when drinking. Several years from now, when everything’s scabbed over the two of us can joke about our mutual lapses in judgement while sharing a fine Rolling Rock beverage.

Don’t return their calls on Tuesday. It’ll suck for a while, and they may bomb Iran to get your attention, and you’ll get lots of screaming and crying about how they’re the only ones who love you and can protect you from Osama and the gays, but you dig in, man up, come over and watch a few baseball games,and ride it out. You’ll probably have to hang tough through 2008, when they have that fake rehab “No baby, I’m okay now, come with me to group” bullshit going on. Don’t fall for it. Cra. zy.


Sage advice.


Still, I question the “mutual lapses in judgment” characterization. If we’re gonna do the questionable hookup comparison right now, I can’t think of anything, offhand, that we did that was half as insane as declaring George W. Bush a messianic figure. Hell, line up all the hardcore Clinton-worshippers and I don’t even think you have a softball team. People like him, sure, especially in comparison to the present occupant of the White House, but in terms of the “willing to go up on the hill and die for him” mentality? Declaring him a genius? Calling for the assassination of his critics? Getting invited to Bill Maher’s show after you’ve called for the assassination of his critics? Nah. Part of it’s that we’re not like that, not since the Kennedys anyway, and with our track record of losing elections, we don’t allow ourselves to get that attached. It’s bad for the heart and the liver. We’re all too eager to admit our own failings, to turn on our own, to concede that our critics may have a point. We brook discussion, argument, even fights. We’re Democrats. It’s okay.


But to pretend some kind of equivalency here is to pretend that while I might have dated a cokehead and a pathological liar and one or two people who were technically my bosses at the time, that makes your affair with closeted, pedophiliac, cat-killing, lawyer-shooting, war-starting, prisoner-torturing freakshows totally okay. And I’m sorry, but there’s got to be some kind of scorecard that I keep in a safe somewhere, so that on the off chance you do decide to do something that insane again, or try to make a drunken party joke about how John Kerry’s hair sucks, I can pull out the file, show you the screencaps of yourself in a ball gag and dog collar on national television, and the sight of that will persuade you to stay home and date drummers like all the other nice girls your age.


Hat tip toJay.


A.

3 thoughts on “The Hookup

  1. I can pull out the file, show you the screencaps of yourself in a ball gag and dog collar on national television, and the sight of that will persuade you to stay home and date drummers like all the other nice girls your age.
    allow me to buy you a virtual drink tomorrow eve for this!

  2. In the worlds of one of my favorite bloggers: “Kick ’em when their down…” (and then something about throwing a chair at them…”

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