Your President Speaks!

Fasten your seatbelts, here we go again.

Today, in Manassas, Virginia.

Like Wow, Man

Secondly, trade. Like, if you’re confident in what you make, you ought to be for trade, because people are going to want to buy what you make.

Because It Says So

I submitted a budget yesterday that says we can balance the budget by 2012 without raising your taxes. I’m going to explain how it works. It’s probably counterintuitive to some, particularly those who tend to trust government, but, see, I believe it is not only possible, we have proven it through a document, that by keeping taxes low and being wise about how we spend your money, we actually achieve balance in the budget.

That Hilarious Pothole Joke Again

I appreciate the Mayor. Mayor, are you here somewhere? Oh, Mayor, good to see you. Thank you for serving. Appreciate it — just fill the potholes, that’s all I can tell you.

That Is A Substantial Growth You Got On Your Neck There

Last quarter we grew at 3.5 percent growth. In a big economy, that is a substantial growth.

Never Relied On A Wage In His Life (And It Shows)

Real wages are up. That’s positive if you rely upon a wage. It’s up by 1.7 percent. Real wages is that beyond the cost of living.

Kicked His Asterisk

Three months ago, we’ve added — over the last three months, we added a million jobs*.
[A statement which the White House helpfully clarified.]
* half a million

Drain Bamage

I believe that if you have more money in your pocket to save or spend or invest, that is what was required to create a condition where people would feel more comfortable about making investments.

Tarzan Climb Big Tree

Our economy expanded — so there’s a big debate. There’s always somebody — do tax cuts work? They work.

The New Math

Since we cut taxes a second time in 2003, we’ve added 7.4 million new jobs. Tax cuts equaled new jobs.

What We Got

And so coming into this budget session, I felt like we we’re in a good opportunity to balance this budget because of the economic vitality. In other words, if you got a weak economy, it’s really hard to stand up with credibility and say to Congress, join me in balancing the budget without raising taxes. We got a strong economy.

The War That Waged Itself

And so the priority in this budget is to make sure that those who are on the front lines of protecting you, in a war which I wish wasn’t waging, in a war that came home to us on September the 11th, is to make sure they have the tools necessary to do the job.

Too Much Of A Budget Expert For Us? Not Possible

There’s something called discretionary spending in the budget. I don’t want to get to be too much of a budget expert for you, but we’ve got what’s called mandatory spending — in other words, it’s going to happen based upon formula — and discretionary spending, where the government gets to decide on an annual basis how much is spent.

I’m The Explicator

Earmarks are special interest items that get slipped into spending bills a lot of times at the last minute. In other words, they’re moving a piece of appropriations out, and then somebody shows up and says, well, I need this for my district, or I need this for my district.

So That’s What “Didn’t Vote Them Into Law” Means

These things didn’t get voted on, and yet they have the force of law. And they provide taxpayers’ dollars from a lot of things — researching wool, swimming pools in here. They didn’t vote them into law. In other words, Congress didn’t vote these things into law.

An Abundance of Other Words [Note: Chimpy used the phrase “in other words” twenty times in this single speech.]

And therefore, it’s important for Congress to continue — to reform the process, and we want to work with them. In other words, as a taxpayer, I presume you expect that every single appropriation has been looked at and analyzed and debated. In other words, let that sun shine in. It’s called transparency.

What If I Don’t Like Pie?

Another way to do a better job with your money is to give me the line-item veto so I can work with Congress. In other words, what happens is, is that we have — we debate the size of the pie. In other words, in order to balance the budget, we need this much top line spending. But a lot of times, we don’t — it makes it different to deal with the slices of the pie.

Washington, DC, Definition

You’ll hear people say, well, he’s cutting spending. No. That may be Washington, D.C. definition of cut, but slowing the rate of spending saves you a lot of money.

As Far I’m Concerned

Now, mandatory spending requires more than that as far I’m concerned.

Why Isn’t They?

In other words, previous Congresses have said, vote for me, I promise you to raise the benefits inherent in Social Security, without considering the fact that the number of workers paying into the system relative to the number of beneficiaries is shrinking. And the mathematics isn’t going to work.

There’s A Lot Of Them

There’s a lot of politics in the nation’s capital, too much, as far as I’m concerned.

Gots To Be Able To Be Able

I appreciated when the plant manager and the CEO tells me that they spend a lot of time educating people, adding added value so that people will be able to be able to find those jobs that are necessary in the 21st century.

9 thoughts on “Your President Speaks!

  1. It’s 2:03 Eastern time. I’m going to start drinking now. And when my family finds me sprawled out on the livingroom floor next to my pc, I hold you, Holden, responsible for posting the reason for my inabstemious behavior.
    *shakes fist at Holden, picks up wine bottle*

  2. At this point, I need something much stronger than wine. Like maybe a lobotomy. It is truly painful to realize that this IDIOT is the fucking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

  3. “we have proven it through a document,”
    Man, all those years of working in the laboratories of chemistry and physics. All those billions of dollars to support research labs.
    And to think all I needed to do to prove things was print a document.
    Does that mean Ross Perrot was right? He had a document with fancy flip graphs !
    Ross was almost right. There was a great sucking sound. But it didn’t come from south of the border. It came from a certain texan’s head.

  4. A guy with approval ratings in the 30’s is not going to get a line item veto. Nobody trusts him. Not even his own party trusts him with that kind of discretion.
    But that’s okay, because he doesn’t believe he needs to use anything like a line item veto when he can just choose which laws he’s going to obey and which ones he isn’t.

  5. “And they provide taxpayers’ dollars from a lot of things — researching wool, swimming pools in here.”
    um, researching wool and swimming pools??? wtf?

  6. PresidentELIZA

    Eliza: Hello. I am ELIZA. How can I help you?
    You: Hi, Id like your advice.
    Eliza: What about your own advice?
    You: Make the pie higher?
    Eliza: Please go on.

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