Saturday Reading

Via Metaquotes, somebody finally gets to the bottom of those truck testicles I’ve been seeing with alarming frequency here in the civilized world:

The greatest argument against this law is this: if you let people hang these creepy doo-dads off the back of their vehicle, everyone else on the road will know that they are behind someone who is most likely drunk, getting a blowjob from his sister and unable to read the sign that says “LANE ENDS 1/2 MILE.” These people can then get two lanes over so they don’t get killed when the fucker jerks the wheel over to avoid ramming an abutment and flips over his shiny ten-ton stuntcock. Not only will lives be saved, but it’s a lot easier to find a giant belt buckle, a severed penis and chaw bucket when they’re not buried under a half-dozen other cars.

I could only hope that for a myriad of reasons this does not pass, but the way things are going, who knows? It’s now illegal to sell a dildo in Alabama. For the sake of pubic safety, let us all hope that in Maryland it shall remain legal to be one.

As the kids say on Livejournal, LOL.

A.

9 thoughts on “Saturday Reading

  1. virgotex says:

    yup srsly
    oddly enough, I’ve never seen these here, only on the teevee

  2. thebewilderness says:

    After all these years of the impaling of Jacks head on antennas I was tickled that the rational for this law was how offensive it was to display body parts. What about the chillldreeeen.

  3. Elspeth says:

    I have had the opportunity (being as I live in Texas…oh joy) to see such pendentives hanging from of course the requisite pickup trucks of the OMG Large variety… Personally, nothing could scream “tiny actual scrotum and associated weenus” more loudly than such a ‘largely’ equipped conveyance of pickup or Hummer variety displaying such, er, “attributes”.
    Truly, I am surprised that the most public faux-cowboy ‘shrub’ doesn’t have them suspended from every vehicle (including AF1 and Marine1)…!!! Honestly – the man didn’t actually impregnate the “Lump” – it was Bar using a turkey baster so her ‘boy’ could remain ‘pure’ (except for his homosexual escapades that she just couldn’t reign in to save her social position other than an arranged marriage by him w/a automotive-homicidal librarian).
    As a true Texan – I am appalled by the outward show of ‘balls’. If you truly have ‘them’ (be ye male or female – aka ‘ovaries’ which are just as powerful if you subscribe as I do to the actual matriarchy of things) people know and respect you, there is NO reason whatsoever to broadcast the abject wishfulness of the situation.
    Crikey!
    Elspeth

  4. pansypoo says:

    nads. both sexes have them.
    yes, i WANT warning that another driver is likely an asshole. i use my own clues. white car/truck-bad. country station bumber sticker-bad. luckily this something i have not seen, but i do live in a blueish city.

  5. donna says:

    I’ve always wanted a paintball cannon for my car to tag the idiots on the road…

  6. virgotex says:

    barkeep,
    I’d like a double of whatever Elspeth’s having, pls.

  7. mdhatter says:

    I have seen them, and the description of the driver presented in the piece completely ignored the enormous american flag on display.

  8. hoppycalif says:

    It just occurred to me that I can stop worrying about Athenae dropping First Draft to go to work for John Edwards campaign. Whew! Those were some anxious moments.

  9. Athenae says:

    Hoppy, to be fair, I didn’t INVENT the phrase “ten-ton stuntcock,” I just quoted it approvingly.
    But I guess that might be too much of a distinction for Michelle Malkin to grasp, so I will continue to labor in obscurity and read metaquotes.
    A.

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