Arkansas: Today’s Home For FAIL

Lesbians, lesbians everywhere!

In today’s internet age, books are almost a forgotten commodity in public libraries, but if you look hard enough you can still find some gems. For example, two teenage boys in Bentonville, Arkansas unearthed a hefty tome entitled “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book” while “browsing for material on military academies” — or so they told their father. Although the sex guide by Felice Newman has been “deemed suitable for all public libraries, according to the Library Journal,” the dad, Earl Adams, was so perturbed by its contents that he is suing Bentonville for $20,000.

According to Adams, his two sons, ages 14 and 16, were “greatly disturbed” by their discovery and apparently underwent “many sleepless nights” as a result. In a letter faxed to Mayor Bob McCaslin, Adams himself wrote that the book pushes “an immoral social agenda.” He is seeking $10,000 per son — the maximum allowed under the Arkansas obscenity law — and has also demanded that the library director be fired.

But it’s the comments that are truly priceless. We have throat-ramming, Rosie O’Donnell eating something, “propiganda” whatever that is … They make the Freepers look like a Mensa convention:

The problem is that liberals are trying to shove their ideas down everyone elses throats under the guise of free speech while at the same time catigorizing any and all opposition as bannable hate speech.


Jesus Christ taught us there is no place for this kind of homosexual nonesense and he meant it. Rosie O”Donelle ate it today and Melissa Etheridge will be next.


Are lesbian sex books really that different from straight sex ones? The both involve munching carpet just one book ends there and the other has an extra section on what to do with a wang.


Parents should have say over wat books are in the school library.

Proofreading, however, should be left to the pros.

A.

10 thoughts on “Arkansas: Today’s Home For FAIL

  1. Eli says:

    Wow, that’s a hell of an example of us shoving our liberal ideas down everyone’s throats. Why, something like that in the wrong hands could potentially turn two, maybe even *three* people into stone-cold lesbians!

  2. Interrobang says:

    I prefer red-hot lesbians to stone-cold ones, personally. *grin*

  3. r@d@r says:

    why, oh why do the people of arkansas hate the vice president’s daughter?

  4. RT says:

    According to Adams, his two sons, ages 14 and 16, were “greatly disturbed” by their discovery [of “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book”] and apparently underwent “many sleepless nights” as a result.
    I bet they did. Hard to get a good night’s sleep when you’re repeatedly spanking the monkey.

  5. Duckman GR says:

    But, but, but… I thought it was only Democrats who sued for damages, I mean, a couple nights of tossing and turning, that’s worth $10k each? Sounds mighty frivolous to me!

  6. virgotex says:

    See, it’s like this:
    The blinking red lights on the map in the Great Lesbian War Room told us that Bentonville was short the requisite number of dog grooming establishments. As you know, “we” OWN that market. So, aided by one of our cover organizations, The Library Journal, we planted the book in the library, sat back around the table sipping mojitos, and waited, as the unfortunate poodles of Bentonville grew shaggier and shaggier.
    Unfortunately, our plan was disrupted by the knuckledraggers mentioned above. We were then forced to re-deploy our division that heretofore, had been on duty lurking in the high school bathrooms of Oklahoma.

  7. Nora says:

    I would think that anyone illiterate and stupid enough to “find” books on lesbian sex while “looking for” books on military academies wouldn’t be able to read the books on lesbian sex in the first place, and probably needs a course in how to use a library.
    And it was pretty tragic how those evil liberals, and especially those evil liberal librarians (gasp!) took those poor innocent boys and forced them to take those books and read them (or look at the pictures, which is probably more likely) and ruin their virginal young minds.
    Jeezus on a Ritz cracker! I’m not sure I would believe this story if the boys in question were 8 and 10, but 14 and 16? Does anyone in the world believe this clown? Two teenage boys who had no exposure to the idea that there are lesbians in the world (don’t watch television or read anything, huh?) and, the best part, are TRAUMATIZED by that discovery? It’s too late for April Fool’s, wouldn’t you say?

  8. Dorothy says:

    Wait, was this the “public” library or a “school” library?
    If this is a “public” library, then this suit is even MORE frivolous.
    I would think that anyone illiterate and stupid enough to “find” books on lesbian sex while “looking for” books on military academies wouldn’t be able to read the books on lesbian sex in the first place, and probably needs a course in how to use a library.
    You know these kids probably “accidently” stumble across a whole lot of dirty words in the dictionary, too…

  9. hoppycalif says:

    Way back in the Stone Age, when I was a young lad, many of us shared our secrets about what could be accidentally found in libraries and book stores. Then we accidentally read the best parts, including, of course, the graffiti that illustrated some of the best parts. Now, I can’t say that sleepless nights were the result, but I’m guessing that the epidemic of sticky damp pj’s in the morning were a result. That type of book seems to harbor a germ that causes that. If I had known then what I have just learned, I could have afforded a nice teenmobile back then.

  10. MapleStreet says:

    How many folks have looked through the Bible for the racy parts?
    At least they’re not banning Donald Duck because of his lack of pants. (actually tried)

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