Your President Speaks!

Today, at theWhite House, during this morning’s surprise presser.

Recent Days Have Been A Moment

I think recent days have been a moment that the country can be proud of.

That Is My Hopes

My hope, of course, is that Russia is a country which understands there needs to be checks and balances, and free and fair elections, and a vibrant press; that they understand Western values based upon human rights and human dignity are values that will lead to a better country. That’s my hopes.

Met What Now?

I think it’s good that we ended up with a spending bill that met 933 [sic]*, but also dealt with some emergencies.
* bill that met 9800

What We Got

And we got a lot of priorities for next year.

There Is Some Areas

There’s some areas where we can work together, like reauthorization of No Child Left Behind, although I will warn Congress that — in that the current bill doesn’t expire, if they try to weaken the current bill, I’ll veto any attempt to weaken it.

Passing Resolutions And Sentiment

One of the — one of my concerns from the last year was that Congress initially spent a lot of time on passing resolutions and sentiment and trying to put — trying to tell our commanders how to conduct the war.

There Is No Politics

Well, first of all, I don’t agree with your premise that there’s no politics taking place in Iraq.

Get Bills Done

Well, Bill, I mean, if your standard is — if you’re trying to judge the Iraqi parliament based upon our own Congress’s ability to get bills done, is that what you’re saying?

The De-Baath Law

And so, therefore — and therefore, we will continue to press them on de-Baath law, provincial election laws, power sharing with the central government and the provinces, and oil law.

Who Are You Going To Surround Yourself?

And secondly I would say, how do you intend to get advice from people you surround yourself — who are you going to surround yourself, and what process will you have in place to ensure that you get the unvarnished opinion of advisors?


Part of the review is to — is to assess how best to make sure our coalition partners realize there is a coherent strategy of which they are an integral part, all aiming to make sure that there is a presence that will assure the Afghan government and the Afghan people that people will be trying to help them with their security.

Waiting A Year Is Essential To Good Governance

That’s what — that’s what good governance is: You analyze the situation a year after the previous strategy to determine whether or not — what worked and what didn’t work.

Go Team!

What did work was the — you might remember last year, I guess there was a lot of talk about the Taliban surge or the Taliban offensive. And General McNeill informed us that the only team that’s going to be on the offense is American and NATO allies and other allies.

Is Life Changing Better?

In other words, is life changing better for the average citizen? That’s the question that we all got to be looking at.

Much Good Health Care

You know, it was, like, they called it a hospital, it was just kind of a rundown place where a person couldn’t get much good health care.

Thanks For The Shooters

Well, I would like to praise the Brits, the Canadians, the Dutch, the Danes and other countries for their contribution — the Aussies — for their contribution of shooters, fighters, people that are willing to be on the front line of this battle.

Fighting The Taliban In Iraq

And so the question is, are we able to leverage their position in Iraq in such a way that enables us to stay on the offense against the Taliban, help the Afghans to do so?

Mr. Strawman, Please Pick Up The White Courtesy Phone

I believe if people are given a chance to be free, they will do so. Now, I understand some don’t believe that. It’s kind of like we’re the only ones that can be free; it’s kind of the ultimate isolationism, isn’t it?

We Got Flexible Workplace

My view of the economy is that the fundamentals are strong, that we’ve had strong growth for a reason; that we’re competitive, we got flexible workplace, that we kept taxes low, exports are up.

It’s A Sicness

Director Johnson made a decision based upon the fact that we passed a piece of legislation that enables us to have a national strategy, which is the — increasing CAFE standards to 35 miles an hour [sic] by 2020, and a substantial increase of alternative fuels, 36 billion gallons by 2022.

A Lot Of Variety

And — look, we get criticized a lot for a variety of reasons.

There Is Isolationist Tendancies

And there’s isolationist tendencies in this world.

What We Got In Our Own Country

We got people like that in our own country.

Return Of The Suiciders

No, it wasn’t coordinated with me, and my patience ran out on President Assad a long time ago. And the reason why is, is because he houses Hamas, he facilitates Hezbollah, suiciders go from his country to Iraq, and he destabilizes Lebanon.

All Hail The Thought Police

And I will continue to remind the American people that our professionals need to have the tools necessary to make sure that we find out who’s thinking about attacking us, and if they are, do something about it.

Because Journalists Are Rich

We’re also the party that understands that you can spend your money, Michael, all that money they pay you, you can spend it better than the government can spend it.

Policies Has Worked

Pro-growth economic policies has worked.

Off-Balance SheetThis!

My attitude is, is that Wall Street needs to put all their — put it all out there for everybody to see. They need to have the — off-balance sheet this and put out there for investors to take a look at.

2 thoughts on “Your President Speaks!

  1. How many projections is this guy entitled to at one press conference:
    My hope, of course, is that Russia is a country which understands there needs to be checks and balances, and free and fair elections, and a vibrant press (as say, opposed to the USA?)
    Congress initially…trying to tell our commanders how to conduct the war. (As opposed to ME, ME, ME?)
    In other words, is life changing better for the average citizen? (I can’t even come up with a snark about how far off this is for Shrub)

  2. Just…ugh.
    I am not an english major and it makes me sick to read this. Those jouranimals must have to drink heavily to continue to sit through it.

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