What many of you saw this weekend.

July Fourth (The Jesse Helms Experience).

Well, did everyone have a good time this weekend?

I hope you all got some cookouts in. Personally, I despise fireworks, so I avoid that. But I enjoy a good cookout.

As you’re probably aware, Jesse Helms died over the weekend. Last we heard from the nether world, he was complaining that Hell wasn’t segregated. You just can’t please some people, huh? I mean, if all the black people were in Heaven, he would bitch that they were getting “special treatment” or some such. 

What’s that? We’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead? Fuck that, and fuck Jesse Helms. He was a miserable, racist piece of shit in life, and that’s the legacy he left. In fact, I’m not even speaking ill of him. He was proud to be a racist. I’m simply describing the man’s life as he chose to live it: divisive, poisonous, backwards, and thoroughly wretched. Enjoy Hell, ya bastard. 

In other sad conservative news, I was checking outSadly, No! yesterday afternoon. Teh Sadlys, like our own fearless Athenae, often go swimming in the cesspool that is the conservative Internet. Well, they found this festering turd in their latest dip:The Stranger.

No, really. That’s what he calls himself. 

The Stranger, you see, is upset; nay, outraged! Why, you ask? Because, of course, the womenfolk have too much power in this crazy, mixed-up, modern world. Ah, how we all yearn for the days of women as chattel, right, Athenae?

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Okay, okay. I’m back. And that is one mean right hook you’ve got, A.

Anyway, Brad does a hell of a job mocking this sad little fuck. But you really need to read this shit in the original. He goes all Jack D Ripper on you, talking about “male energy.” He stops just short of blathering about the “life essence” that women seek. And you just want to slap the bastard. Quit whining, you shithead. Go live.

There’s so much wrong over there, it’s hard to decide what to make fun of. But I’ll pick this one little thing: His handle.

No, not the midriff paunch. His name. The Stranger? I don’t think he’s referencing a French existentialist novel. Or a wide-lapel-havin’ Billy Joel song. Or Seattle’s alt-weekly.

No, I think he’s talking aboutThe Stranger. In fact, I’m almost sure of it. Mystery solved, case closed. Thank you all very much.