14 thoughts on “Scratch Your Head

  1. Makes perfect sense to me from a patriarchy point of view. The perfect young woman is defined entirely by her sexual attractiveness to men and by someone else’s (parents, church, eventually husband) ownership of that sexual attractiveness.
    If she does abstain, she’s an evil tease inciting male resentment. If she doesn’t, she’s a slut. Warren Jeffs and his pals win either way.

  2. If the ‘wearer’ of the ‘abstinence’ thong (!?!?!) is showing said thong to wishful partner, there’s gonna be a helluva “surge” in said partner’s netherregions and I think the ‘ab’ letters will be obscured by a ‘stain’ of the type found on Monica Lewinsky’s dress.

  3. cue Nathan Lane: Too much?
    Sorry Jude… Sometimes I forget myself and my inner-crass-master sneaks out and assaults the keyboard.

  4. How about something really fun and evangelical, like “Get behind me, Satan!”

  5. More ideas:
    “WWJD” Who would Jesus Dominate?
    “My boss is a pushy bottom” (a spin on “my boss is a jewish carpenter”)
    “Oh God! Are you in yet?”
    “Looking for Jesus? Keep pushing, you’ll at least find God soon!”
    “I’m (not) coming Jesus!” (a variant of the abstain-emblazoned panty)
    Maybe they can market some “Hy-mints” – “whenever you are thinking about forsaking your unmarried, undented cherry, just pop a mint and think of a white wedding!”
    Elspeth – who would rather be snarky than work today…

  6. “Abstain – Made in the USA”
    What really needs to be added? (other than what Elspeth said, bahahahaha)

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