Scratch Your Head

WTFWJD about this?

Reader Hell Kat sends us today’s head-scratching moment.

It’s an abstinence thong.



That’s right. An abstinence thong. 

By way of reply to this affront to logic, I point you to theGospel of John, chapter eleven, verse thirty-five.

14 thoughts on “Scratch Your Head

  1. Hell Kat says:

    I’d love a pair of those for roleplaying if the purchase wouldn’t consequently support the cause.

  2. The Reality Based Dave says:

    In the prevention of expressing carnal desire, I recommend the pig panties.

  3. well … maybe they’re the “last-ditch effort” that’s so famous in other venues.

  4. serge says:

    I have never laughed so hard (in the past three days, at least…)

  5. paul says:

    Makes perfect sense to me from a patriarchy point of view. The perfect young woman is defined entirely by her sexual attractiveness to men and by someone else’s (parents, church, eventually husband) ownership of that sexual attractiveness.
    If she does abstain, she’s an evil tease inciting male resentment. If she doesn’t, she’s a slut. Warren Jeffs and his pals win either way.

  6. If the ‘wearer’ of the ‘abstinence’ thong (!?!?!) is showing said thong to wishful partner, there’s gonna be a helluva “surge” in said partner’s netherregions and I think the ‘ab’ letters will be obscured by a ‘stain’ of the type found on Monica Lewinsky’s dress.

  7. Jude says:


  8. pansypoo says:

    jesus wept laughing his ass off.

  9. cue Nathan Lane: Too much?
    Sorry Jude… Sometimes I forget myself and my inner-crass-master sneaks out and assaults the keyboard.

  10. bdbd says:

    How about something really fun and evangelical, like “Get behind me, Satan!”

  11. how about black vinyl ones that are emblazoned w/’beat the devil out of me’???

  12. More ideas:
    “WWJD” Who would Jesus Dominate?
    “My boss is a pushy bottom” (a spin on “my boss is a jewish carpenter”)
    “Oh God! Are you in yet?”
    “Looking for Jesus? Keep pushing, you’ll at least find God soon!”
    “I’m (not) coming Jesus!” (a variant of the abstain-emblazoned panty)
    Maybe they can market some “Hy-mints” – “whenever you are thinking about forsaking your unmarried, undented cherry, just pop a mint and think of a white wedding!”
    Elspeth – who would rather be snarky than work today…

  13. Interrobang says:

    Jesus wept, and I laughed my head off. Well done, Athenae.

  14. mdh says:

    “Abstain – Made in the USA”
    What really needs to be added? (other than what Elspeth said, bahahahaha)

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