Dear American Media

Yes, this is an actual photo of my computer.

Dear American Media:

While you’re fixing your various other deficiencies (see Athenae’s posts for, oh, the last four centuries if you need a good place to start), could you please, please, fuckin’please, for the love of Nutella, stop referring to every scandal or possible scandalby appending the suffix “-gate”?

This has bothered me for some time. It actually has since you morons tried calling the Iran-Contra scandal “Irangate.” And, of course, you fucks went crazy during the Clinton years, even trying out “Lewinskygate” on us. For fuck’s sakes–you people are supposed to have some level of skill at manipulating language. 

Use it.

Find a fuckin’ thesaurus. You don’t even need the old, heavy, ink-and-paper kind anymore. There’s this thing, and you probably use it to write your articles, called a “computer.” Most of them, these days, are hooked up to this thing called an “Internet.” And–bear with me, as this is one of the marvels of the age we live in–you can access an online thesauruswhile you’re writing. Indeed, many word processors even have thesauri integral to the programs, though their listings are often sorely limited.

Please, take this under advisement.

Thank you,


UPDATE: As soon as I posted this, what did I see on my teevee? A five-minute segment on McCain and Palin hugging on the campaign trail. Seriously. At least they didn’t call it “hug-gate.” But they had “body language experts” and every damn thing. So, yes, it can get worse. And when that fluff-ass piece was over, what did the empty suit on CBS say? “In case you’re wondering, yes, everything in politics is analyzed.”

Analyzed: I do not think that word means what you think it means.

13 thoughts on “Dear American Media

  1. Excellent!
    I want journalists out there w/the cojones/ovaries to go after the story (w/verifiable sources/info) and that have brains that function higher than your average Drosophila Melanogaster.

  2. I think more journalists should be devoting much more time to just how cute that Palin baby really is. I blame the lack of proper coverage on the evil secular intellectualized elitists.

  3. The Access Journalism that made Woodward’s career is no longer the exception to the rule–it IS the rule for many journalists. It’s no surprise that their sensibilities are likewise defined by the Watergate case, and everything is viewed through that glass, darkly.
    And you’re right, it does tend to trivialize and diminish actual acts of scandal and corruption that should be sui generis in their feculence.

  4. Damn Jude, I really get silly over guys w/big brains (Gil Grissom character on CSI…hubba hubba!)! Don’t make me fall for you ’cause you are showing off your grey matter!
    And, yeah – it’s back to fruit flies…

  5. Up next: our resident phrenologist determines whether you’d like to have a beer with John McCain’s skull.

  6. Then Dr. Gottahandittoya to give his .02 on the craniorectal inversion that is so omnipresent in the media and far right types these days. But first, how Sarahcuda handles it all…by lying! We’ll see more after the break!

  7. butbutbut -gate is EAZEE AND THE GNEWS DO EAZEE!
    andandand how would the harding family feel if we dug up teapot dome?
    yes, palindome.

  8. butbutbut -gate is EAZEE AND THE GNEWS DO EAZEE!
    andandand how would the harding family feel if we dug up teapot dome?
    yes, palindome.

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