Yes, this is an actual photo of my computer.
Dear American Media:
While you’re fixing your various other deficiencies (see Athenae’s posts for, oh, the last four centuries if you need a good place to start), could you please, please, fuckin’please, for the love of Nutella, stop referring to every scandal or possible scandalby appending the suffix “-gate”?
This has bothered me for some time. It actually has since you morons tried calling the Iran-Contra scandal “Irangate.” And, of course, you fucks went crazy during the Clinton years, even trying out “Lewinskygate” on us. For fuck’s sakes–you people are supposed to have some level of skill at manipulating language.
Find a fuckin’ thesaurus. You don’t even need the old, heavy, ink-and-paper kind anymore. There’s this thing, and you probably use it to write your articles, called a “computer.” Most of them, these days, are hooked up to this thing called an “Internet.” And–bear with me, as this is one of the marvels of the age we live in–you can access an online thesauruswhile you’re writing. Indeed, many word processors even have thesauri integral to the programs, though their listings are often sorely limited.
Please, take this under advisement.
UPDATE: As soon as I posted this, what did I see on my teevee? A five-minute segment on McCain and Palin hugging on the campaign trail. Seriously. At least they didn’t call it “hug-gate.” But they had “body language experts” and every damn thing. So, yes, it can get worse. And when that fluff-ass piece was over, what did the empty suit on CBS say? “In case you’re wondering, yes, everything in politics is analyzed.”
Analyzed: I do not think that word means what you think it means.