I didn’t know the kids still said “macking” these days:

But the current drama at the bakery is that some dude called up
yelling at us because his wife swallowed the tiny plastic baby Jesus in
the king cake and had to go to the emergency room because it was stuck
in her stomach. Now, okay, I’m sorry your wife is in the ER, but I have
little to no sympathy for her. First of all, everrrrry single one of
our king cakes comes with a warning on the bag that there’s a plastic
doll inside, secondly, if you know annnnything about king cake you know
about the tiny Jesus, thirdly, the doll isn’t even baked in the cake,
it’s just placed on the bottom, so if you pick up a slice you would see
it, and lastly, LEARN TO CHEW YOUR FUCKING FOOD. Jesus Christ that
Jesus baby is not that tiny the only way you would miss it is if you
were shoving that shit down your throat like an anaconda macking on a
gazelle or some shit. I’M SORRY BUT IT’S TRUE.


7 thoughts on “LOLCatholics

  1. He was probably yelling because not only are there medical bills, but his wife has to buy the next king cake with HIS money.
    Life is tough.

  2. If her esophagus was big enough to swallow it, chances are her colon can handle it, too. Poor baby Jesus.
    (I made 30 king cakes for folks last year who shared them with family and friends and not a single baby Jesus had to make that trip.)

  3. “Like an anaconda macking on a gazelle or some shit.” HIlarious.
    Reminds me of a time I was visiting a friend in Chicago. It was Fourth of July and we went to her friend’s apartment north of the city to watch fireworks and just generally sit by the lake. We also happened to be right on the approach to O’Hare and we watched the planes come in, too. So a giant plane flies over–like those that make international flights–and my friend’s friend (who was from Africa) says “that plane, it is HUGE. It is like a python which has eaten a rhinoceros.” We cracked up because only an African would use such an analogy. I mean, how many times have you seen a python after it has eaten a rhinoceros?

Comments are closed.