1. Cheetos and chocolate stars are the breakfast of champions.
2. There is no day so bad some shopping can’t make it better.
3. There is no day so good some shopping can’t make it better.
4. Nag enough, loud enough, and eventually you will get what you want. Beach! Beach! Beach!
5. You’re never too old to give kids horsey rides.
6. SIEVE! SIEVE! SIEVE!
7. Sarcasm and mockery are the highest forms of affection. If you’re not loved you’re not worth teasing.
8. Don’t take any crap from anybody just because you’re a girl.
9. Do what you love. No matter what that is.
10. Cadbury Eggs are the dinner of champions.
11. When you go on a trip, always bring back treats for everybody.
12. Spend serious money — if you’re lucky enough to get some — on books and art and experiences, not clothes and cars and houses.
13. Keep a big jar in the closet and put all your change in it. When the jar is full, it’s time to take a vacation.
14. Sometimes the job is more important than anything else, and that’s okay.
15. Doing donuts in the snow in a rusted-out Subaru with bald tires and no passenger seats is probably not that bright a move, but it is pretty hilarious.
16. Don’t be afraid to go someplace new. You’ll figure it out.
17. When the phone rings in the middle of the night, pick it up, no questions asked.
18. When a friend needs a ride at some ungodly hour, go, no questions asked.
19. When a distant cousin you haven’t talked to in years and didn’t like very much back then needs something, anything, do it, no questions asked.
20. Why? Because you can, that’s why.
21. Lounging on the bed on a Sunday afternoon with the window open and a transistor radio as old as you are blaring a baseball game in which the Brewers are only winning because they haven’t found a way to lose yet is one of the best ways possible to spend your time on this planet.
I love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.