Is it wrong of me to be mildly bored that the whole Sanford story wound up being that he had sex with a consenting adult lady not his wife, presumably while neither of them was wearing any of the following: wet suit, duck costume, diapers, skin of recently killed grizzly bear, etc? I mean it, Republicans have set the bar pretty high lately and I’m kind of … yawn … disappointed he didn’t reach for the stars.
The rest of the story is pure gold, of course, right down to the crazy way his wife and staff acted, telling the press all kinds of conflicting shit so that for sure, for SURE, this would have to come out. It’s so perfectly passive-aggressively AWESOME: “I have no idea where my husband, who I found out five months ago was having an affair with an Argentinian woman, is right now. NO IDEA. Don’t look for him, or for God’s sake ask any questions of any kind. Really. By the way, here’s the airport he might be flying into.”
But the acts themselves? Feh. No furries, no underage boys in chat rooms, no hookers, no references to practices I have to look up to be able to assure you delicate readers that you don’t want to Google them, no secret closeted behavior, no alpacas. Just your typical hypocritical Republican dumbass, tripping over his own dick. I’m worried they’re becoming tired, and just can’t bring themselves to make it interesting for us anymore.