All the Married Ladies

Is it wrong of me to be mildly bored that the whole Sanford story wound up being that he had sex with a consenting adult lady not his wife, presumably while neither of them was wearing any of the following: wet suit, duck costume, diapers, skin of recently killed grizzly bear, etc? I mean it, Republicans have set the bar pretty high lately and I’m kind of … yawn … disappointed he didn’t reach for the stars.

The rest of the story is pure gold, of course, right down to the crazy way his wife and staff acted, telling the press all kinds of conflicting shit so that for sure, for SURE, this would have to come out. It’s so perfectly passive-aggressively AWESOME: “I have no idea where my husband, who I found out five months ago was having an affair with an Argentinian woman, is right now. NO IDEA. Don’t look for him, or for God’s sake ask any questions of any kind. Really. By the way, here’s the airport he might be flying into.”

But the acts themselves? Feh. No furries, no underage boys in chat rooms, no hookers, no references to practices I have to look up to be able to assure you delicate readers that you don’t want to Google them, no secret closeted behavior, no alpacas. Just your typical hypocritical Republican dumbass, tripping over his own dick. I’m worried they’re becoming tired, and just can’t bring themselves to make it interesting for us anymore.

A.

17 thoughts on “All the Married Ladies

  1. whet moser says:

    I think it’s just baby steps back towards traditional values. There has to be a point between diaper sex and faithfulness, I guess.

  2. I hadn’t thought of it that way, A. But you’re right, the GOP has set a pretty high standard for deviant behavior (or is that an oxymoron?).
    And there must be a way station between Mark Foley and Mark Sanford. Garden-variety adultery is pretty square.
    Over at Dusty Rhoades’ place (http://jdrhoades.blogspot.com) he’s posted these quotes:
    “The bottom line, though, is he still lied. He lied under a different oath, and that is the oath to his wife…” – Mark Sanford in 1998 referring to Bill Clinton’s hummer.
    And this, which is beautiful:
    “I’m not sure that marriage can stand up to more Republican defense. Thank Jebus they stopped defending democracy.” – Christopher Moore

  3. Dan says:

    During his statement he said “I developed a relationship with a…” and in the ensuing pause I mentally inserted “strapping young buck.” Now THAT would have cleared the bar.

  4. M31 says:

    Ha Ha Ha, a newspaper is starting to publish his emails to her, including such lines as
    I love your tan lines and
    the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light
    which really shows some promise in the bodice-ripping genre.
    And let’s be frank here, I don’t want to read the equivalent emails from Vitter to his diaparing partner, ewwwwwwwww.

  5. “I have no idea where my husband, who I found out five months ago was having an affair with an Argentinian woman, is right now. NO IDEA. Don’t look for him, or for God’s sake ask any questions of any kind. Really. By the way, here’s the airport he might be flying into.”
    Word. Until the emails came out, I thought his wife had set the Honorable Governor up so he would be forced into a public and painful re-commitment of their marriage, rather than some sham he could tell her in private.
    Now, as for the emails, December? Really?? The Columbia State newspaper sat on them for 7 months? Yay, reportin’!

  6. hoppy says:

    What do we do when “Maria” shows up with a 5 o’clock shadow? And, I have no doubt that “Maria” will show up eventually. An important, earth shaking story like this has long legs. If I didn’t have a queasy stomach I would watch Fox News for an hour tonight to see the “real news” (Clinton got a BJ?)

  7. pansypoo says:

    yes. there might be MORE later. even a diaper.

  8. MapleStreet says:

    While I understand that he is still in the middle of the situation and probably hasn’t come to terms with himself
    I still thought it rather interesting that he says he went to Argentina and spent the 5 days crying, and getting his heart right.
    Cause after all, if you want to help someone get together with their wife, it is really important that they travel to see their mistress.

  9. dan mcenroe says:

    the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself)
    I’m not getting this. Two parts? Can she be dismantled? Is she actually Lego?
    And, yeah, alpacas are unlikely, since their range is mostly in Peru. But Argentina is home to something called the “fairy armadillo” – that sounds promising.

  10. liprap says:

    All this has created is a new euphemism in “hiking the Appalachian Trail”.

  11. …and to think that that the whole “hiking the Appalachian Trail” thing had its own attendant ‘hiking nekkid’ joke working for it right up until today…
    I do have to say, for the record, that I find alpaca references to be profoundly disturbing in this circumstance, especially if the perp were to start rhapsodizing about ‘two magnificent parts’ of an alpaca…

  12. joejoejoe says:

    Appalachian Trail = Argentinian Tail

  13. hoppy says:

    JoeJoeJoe, don’t get picky. All news stories have typos.

  14. Athenae says:

    But Argentina is home to something called the “fairy armadillo” – that sounds promising.
    Lock up your wildlife … the Republicans are here!
    A.

  15. BuggyQ says:

    Okay, see, my immediate assumption when he talked about crying in Argentina was, “This is soooooo not a chick he’s seeing there.”
    I mean, c’mon, showtune references? The dude is practically screaming “I’m teh ghei!”
    [Ahem. Tongue *firmly* in cheek. Unless I end up being right…]

  16. Sandman says:

    Schadenfreude…tastes like…victory!

  17. The Other Sarah says:

    Appears we have at last found a Republican governor who’s an old-fashioned craftsman, making his crimes one at a time.
    Probably ought to be thankful he’s not, you know, the “upmarket” kind of adulterer — or doing some other evil stuff wholesale in the background and using this affair as a smokescreen for it (or, do we know for a fact he’s not?), right?
    I mean, it could be worse.
    He could be w twice removed (like, say, rick perry).

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