Thank God ACORN Will Never Help Anyone Again

The other day I was cleaning out some files I didn’t need anymore and ran across the First Draft Krewe’s sign-up sheet for our NOLA house-gutting trip. I’m surprised I was able to get on a plane last weekend, with allthe terroristic pimping and shit I’ve been doing with ACORN’s dastardly help. Jesus Saint Louis Christ. What a stupid load of horseshit this all is.

I mean, we’ve solved it now, right? Fixed all our problems? Yanked their funding and demonized them publicly and made sure everyone knows that because some of their employees are massive fuckups that they’re never to be trusted ever again? Never mind that these are people who work in neighborhoods most members of Congress wouldn’t drive through with their doors unlocked. Never mind that this is a group that does work for people Congress wouldn’t give a dollar to if they saw them begging on the off-ramp. And never mind that you could walk into any office on Capitol Hill and find AT LEAST as much pimping and prostituting going on, only it’s by people in $3,000 suits with all their teeth so it’s fine.

But most of all, never mindit took actual MURDER to get Blackwater’s funding yanked … oh, wait, THAT HASN’T HAPPENED YET. Murder some people in a country where we’re trying to win hearts and minds so as not to get killinated any more than we already are? Hey, no big deal. We’ll find ways of sneaking your former personnel into the new operation so nobody will miss a meal, plus we’ll still give you money to do low-profile stuff so no real worries. So don’t come to me now and be all “misuse of federal dollars is the principle at issue here.” It’s not even in the neighborhood of the principle at issue here.

I’m not defending what these people working for ACORN did, especially since it was in more than just one place so the isolated incident thing doesn’t really hold up, but I am saying, writing “screw them” about the contractors in Iraq was grounds for a full-on Republican hissyfit six years ago, and how dare we unfairly malign the thousands of fine people working every day for an organization other members of which apparently raped and pillaged their way through the country. Now, though, some members of an organization gave advice on tax evasion and business licenses to people pretending to be pimps, and it’s all UNCLEAN UNCLEAN UNCLEAN.

Am I missing something here? Or is this just the usual selective Republican outrage, directed at those upon whom our brilliant and VERY civilized conservatarian editorial writers wouldn’t wipe their shoes?


7 thoughts on “Thank God ACORN Will Never Help Anyone Again

  1. ACORN, like Blackwater and their ilk, have hundreds–perhaps as many as a few thousand–employees (probably that number including volunteers and marginally paid part-timers). It’s going to be tough to monitor each and every one all over the country.
    But, let’s face it–if they gave bad advice, recommended illegal activity, that reflected on the parent organization–just as murdering Iraqi civilians reflected the corporate culture of Blackwater. I’m not making an equivalence between the two acts. There’s a difference in both degree and kind in what Blackwater tolerated. But, ACORN can’t help but be hurt by such.
    What they do about it–how they improve their methods and internal monitoring–is probably going to be vastly superior to what Blackwater has done to date. We know that because when the shit hit Blackwater’s fan, they went into full damage control mode, while ACORN actually looked into the charges (which is how we found out later that one employee was putting on the fraudsters about murdering her husband because she was suspicious of them–bad judgment in doing so, but that’s not a criminal offense–and that one office reported the incident afterward).
    Beyond that, ACORN doesn’t have fifteen or so offshore shell companies to hide its financial dealings, isn’t murdering people indiscriminately, isn’t running guns, isn’t trying to find ways to get the government to pay for its own private air force, in short, isn’t an undisciplined, greedy mercenary corporation.
    The underlying reason for Republican attacks on ACORN is pretty simple, and one of the participants in the sting actually made the implicit explicit last week, when he said that he went after ACORN because they registered minorities to vote, and minorities don’t generally vote for Republicans. This latest stunt is just the latest in a decades-long history of minority voter suppression by the Republican Party.
    In fact, I’m kinda surprised that the Republican Party didn’t hire Blackwater to solve their ACORN problem…

  2. Right-wingers love Blackwater. They tend not to have the same affection for Black people.
    This has been your pithy overgeneralization of they day.

  3. To the power elite, ACORN = uppity blacks. They were going to destroy them by any means necessary.

  4. It should be pointed out that one of the ACORN employees in question went to the police about the (fake) pimp.
    Somehow that detail hasn’t been quite as strenuously reported as the rest of the story.

  5. [[This latest stunt is just the latest in a decades-long history of minority voter suppression by the Republican Party.]]
    Montag FTW.

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