How is it that when Dems have a sex scandal, it’s usually just some
dude putting his penis in someone he shouldn’t. When Repubs do it, it’s
like they swing for the fences.
It’s like, “If we’re gonna get caught up in a sex scandal, damn it,
there better be a three legged hooker, a fifty gallon drum of Vaseline
and a shaved billy goat hopped up on Vicodin.”
Republicans, try this, you know, just once. Instead of trying the
old gas mask hooked up to the anus via garden hose trick, just, you
know, spank it to some porn or, if you REALLY need a taste of strange,
just cheat on your wife like normal people and be done with it.
Which so neatly fits in with what I’m talking about this week atSirens:
This isn’t me moralizing about people’s kinks, by the way. I think
you should do whatever you want to do with whomever wants to do it with
you. Diapering and dressing up like Donald Duck isn’t my turn-on, but
hey, whatever. But the preponderance of political sex stories these
days involve everythingbut a room at the Watergate and a box of Trojans.
Here’s a free clue for the powerful: If your inamorata needs an
envelope of money or a squeaky toy to close the deal, do not pass go,
do not walk, but run out of there and into a bar to pick up a grown-up
like the rest of the country does.
(And yes, I realize some of what’s going on here is illegal and some is just STUPID and I’m not equating the two. I’m saying politically these boys do not understand how to get their rocks off in ways that will not make them national punchlines. Had Mark Sanford just got it on with an adult lady not his wife, without involving the state troopers and public funds for his private fun, it would have been a one-day story, not a six-month-old joke that is still funny. Had South Carolina Dildo Dude taken a girl to the Super 8 instead of the GRAVEYARD it’s unlikely we’d be talking about them at all. If you must fuck kinky, fuck smarter.)