Quitting Time Booster Shot

Welcome to the Booster, where we often wonder what tigers dream of…

– Weird moment of Zen: Law and Order was running a rerun
called “Rebels” from 1995. In the show, there’s a problem with a witness
because he is claiming to be a journalist for an online biker bulletin board.
He uses the press shield law to prevent him from testifying about a murder at a
biker bar. The funniest moment of this is when the DA is questioning the head
of the Columbia School of Journalism about how his school doesn’t have any
classes in writing for an electronic bulletin board or how the post about how the
bikers “went to hunt some sluts and score some brews” doesn’t ring of
journalism. My, how times have changed.

– From the “Am I Over-thinking This” department: Was stopped
at a light and was behind a car from out of state. The car’s plate read I81
4BT. I spent the whole light wondering who BT was and if that had some sort of
significance. I went home and looked up the state’s plate printing system
online and found that, no, this was not a vanity plate, but just what the state
puts out. More proof that more education doesn’t lead to being a deeper
thinker.

– Culver’s, a fantastic custard and burger place out by us,
does this thing every day where they list the flavor of the day and the special
of the day. However, in most cases, there isn’t enough room to separate them by
an empty line. Thus, you get some particularly interesting and yummy sounding
things like Maple Nut Ham and Cheese. However, for the most part, this stuff
sounds disgusting: Butterfinger Crunch 3 Cheese Burger; Butter Pecan Chili Dog
and such. I think they’d be better off advertising one at a time. Or maybe one
on each side of the sign.

– More than seven years after the fact, John Lucas is
pissing and moaning that in his last year with the Cleveland Cavaliers, the
team tanked on purpose to get LeBron James in the draft
. Let’s examine that:
The team was horrible due to bad trades and bad management until right about
that time. (We rolled out a line up that included a guy who once shot at his
own basket ON PURPOSE (Ricky Davis), a guy with 85 foot fractures (Zydrunas Ilgauskas)
and guys named “Bimbo,” “Smush” and “Milt.” In previous years, we rolled out
(pun intended) a 400-pound Shawn Kemp and a guy who misspelled the word
“prosecuter” on one of his tattoos (Derek Anderson). We weren’t setting the
world on fire when John got there, so perhaps simple ineptitude was
masquerading as tanking. In addition, the team actually WON the last game of
the season, which was meaningless, which placed them in a TIE with Denver for
the worst record in the league and thus DECREASED their chances of landing
LeBron. When it comes to John Lucas here’s all you need to know: he’s been
fired more often than the kid who shows up to his 5 p.m. Burger King shift at 7
p.m., stoned out of his mind, and then immediately asks to go on break. He has
a .401 career winning percentage, and that’s only because he got lucky enough
to coach the Spurs for two years in David Robinson’s prime. Furthermore, I’m
sure he single-handedly kept the NBA from instituting the 3-point line in the
1970s, for fear that Lucas would attempt to snort it upon entering the game. You
stay classy, John.

– About four years after taking over the Boston Globe and
running it into the ground, PublisherSteven Ainsley is likely to get a $1.4
million package
of stock options and little Prada soaps. This is the same guy
who, about six months earlier, told his staff he was asking them to make
“enormous personal sacrifices” and take a giant pay cut.Let’s hope that folks
in the future learn from this when they’re agreeing to shit.

– TSA says it’s a myth that an 8-year-old is on the no-fly
list.Technically, he’s on the “selectee list” which gets himroughed upfelt
up
searched either way. If the NYT managed to find him, and he’s supposedly a
“myth” what does that really say about security at the airport?

– From the “Hit Me in the Head with a Hammer Twice and Call
Me Next Week” file: As part of the writing class I teach, I allow the students
to pitch topics that they’ll end up doing group writing on. Local relief
efforts for Haiti got 1 vote (out of 45). MLK events got 3. The top vote getter?
Jersey Shore and the people who host Jersey Shore parties. If you’ll pardon me
now, I’ll be pausing to weep for the future of humanity.

– Quote of the week: “It’s such a cynical business, and
most of the people in the business are full of shit and phonies, but I was
real, man — andam
real. This guy, he
was catapulted in on hope and change, what wehope the guy is. What the fuck? Everything he’s saying’s on the
teleprompter. I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a
five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not
far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up.”– Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

– Apparently, college newspapers will no longer be immune to
the encroaching internet thing.HuffPo is doing its own college version whilelocal college blogs
are also cutting into the once untouchable market.
Sigh…

– And finally, Gilbert Arenas pled guilty to a felony gun
possession charge Friday
, putting his future in the NBA in jeopardy. His lawyer
apparently had been employing a “goof ball” defense, arguing that Arenas was a
joker and never took anything seriously, thus eliminating the odds he was
serious about any potential gun play. The attorney would have been better off
arguing that anyone who watched Arenas play this year knew full well that even
if he had been serious, he never would have hit anything he shot at.

Thanks for letting me share your air. Be back next week.

Doc

4 thoughts on “Quitting Time Booster Shot

  1. Adrastos says:

    Glad to hear about Gilbert Arenas. I recall seeing John Lucas in a bar in San Francisco when he was with the Warriors. He was the drunkest guy in the joint with the runniest nose as well. Hmmm, I wonder what that meant?

  2. pansypoo says:

    my brother might be interested in the culver’s cmbo.

  3. Peregwyn says:

    I think if the Cavs were really serious about tanking the season, they would have brought back Ted Stepien.

  4. Doc says:

    Nah…
    Ted would have traded the pick away for Moochie Norris’ ‘fro and an order of nacho chips.
    There is an ACTUAL RULE named after Ted that prohibits teams from trading first round picks in successive years. This, after Ted traded away every pick from 1977 through about 3018…

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