White Men Can’t Jump

I Ioved Ron Shelton’s hilarious 1992 hoops hustler comedyWhite Men Can’t Jump with Woody Harrellson, Wesley Snipes and Rosie Perez. I hadn’t thought about that flick for years until I stumbled upon the news atNOLA blogger Jimmy Huck’s joint that some Atlanta based bigots have decided to organize awhites only minor league basketball league:

The All-American Basketball Alliance announced in a news release
Sunday evening that it intends to start its inaugural season in June
and hopes Augusta will be one of 12 cities with a team.

“Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both
parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league,” the
statement said. <SNIP>

Don “Moose” Lewis, the commissioner of the AABA, said the reasoning behind the league’s roster restrictions is not racism.

“There’s nothing hatred about what we’re doing,” he said. “I don’t
hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are
in the minority now. Here’s a league for white players to play
fundamental basketball, which they like.”

Don’t you just love it when bigots wave the flag and call themselves All-American? It’s a pity that Moose didn’t call his league, the NHA, National Honkies Association. He didn’t but I will.

I’m guessing the style of play will be pre-1960 so the NHA will feature guys with crew cuts launching two handed set shots and shooting free throws underhand. No dunking, no jump shots, no behind the back passes. It sounds not only bigoted but boring.

The good news is that the NHA seems to be having a hard time thus far finding localities to host its teams. Augusta, Georgia turned them down flat. Maybe Moose Lewis should contact Orly Taitz and see if she’s interested in sponsoring a team called the Birthers. I have some other team name ideas too: the Klansmen, the Skinheads, the Dittoheads, the Segregationists and the most obvious one of all, the Hoopleheads.

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10 thoughts on “White Men Can’t Jump

  1. Gummo says:

    How about The Edsels?
    Outmoded before it even gets off the assembly line, stupid-looking and futile.

  2. jeffrey says:

    How will the game announcers determine which players are the actual “fundamentally sound, hard-working, gym rats”?
    Will this be the least “articulate” league in the history of sports?

  3. Adrastos says:

    It will be grammatically challenged as well if Moose is any example.

  4. Michael says:

    I wonder if Bob Cousy or Pete Maravich would make the cut…

  5. Jude says:

    Really, they should have called it the American Basket Ball Alliance.
    That, or the No Dunking Sport Association Players.
    Think about that second one for a bit.

  6. pansypoo says:

    pale pissed penis people are so precious.

  7. jeffrey says:

    Is dunking allowed at Tea Parties? I’m a little out of date on my etiquitte.

  8. liprap says:

    Damn, the malakatude has showed its nasty head quite early this week…and I thought all the headlines weeping over Favre not making it to the Super Bowl were bad.

  9. joejoejoe says:

    The ‘alliance’ in the name is a hat tip to the National Alliance “a white separatist political organization” or Nazi punks to you and me. So they can, you know, fuck off.

  10. bridget says:

    “I’m guessing the style of play will be pre-1960 so the NHA will feature guys with crew cuts launching two handed set shots and shooting free throws underhand. No dunking, no jump shots, no behind the back passes. It sounds not only bigoted but boring.”
    Agree totally allwhiteprosportsleague is dangerously moronic, bigoted and hopefully illegal. Disagree that pre-1960s bball was boring. Bob Cousy began the behind the back pass in 50s pro league (and probably someone way before him too). Only underhanded free throw shooter I’m still aware of (Rick Barry) was consistently the best free throw shooter (high 90%) in the league (and I think its still legal) and today’s free throw shooting is across-the-board horrible – its a FREE, uninterrupted, undefended, take your time, anyway you like – throw! – hello??? And nearly everything looks like traveling (and it probably is); and the pros might as well take a tent and a fishing rod while they camp out in the key. Defense is definitely better today – I will go along with that in general. Crew cuts? Seriously that’s a complaint? Judging by the game today, I think they’re back – still ugly – but back. I don’t mean to pick nits, because your original post is so valid and I’ve copied tons of people on this article, but as far as the 60s ball I grew up watching, I guess its the kind of thing where you “had to have been there”. I haven’t liked a player as much as Elgin Baylor in all this time. But he was my first big impression of basketball and no one today, IMHO, can come close. Boring? No it wasn’t at all. There have always been tricky shots, great team plays – that’s the game of bball – and those things will always be there in one form or other – behind the back passes, the ollie-oop, and the mustard will slip off the hot dog, and we could use some better announcers who really bring the audience into the game, too.

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