Abortion Cooties

Another idiot “news analysis” from the AP:

Current law — known as theHyde amendment — prohibits federal funding for abortion except in cases of rape, incest or to save the life of the mother.

The first drafts of the Democratichealth care bills,
written by abortion rights supporters in Congress, would have allowed
health insurance plans receiving federal subsidies to cover abortion as
a legalmedical procedure.
They couldn’t get the votes to advance, so eventually Democratic
abortion foes took over writing the language. But any trust abortion
opponents might have had in the administration was gone.

What trust was there, exactly? Obama has always been the candidate of wanting you to get an abortion at 28 weeks just because he likes hearing fetuses scream. I’m sorry, but I don’t see that any great loss has occurred.

The Senate language, written bySen. Ben Nelson,
D-Neb., would allow the plans to cover abortion with private funds
collected directly from policyholders. People who want the coverage
would have to write two checks to theirhealth insurance plan, and the plans would keep the money in a separate account from taxpayer funds.

Because if you just put the money in two separate coffee cans, the abortion money won’t get its abortion cooties all over the clean money paid by people who have never committed a sin!

Q: Would the Senate bill change the status quo?

A: Yes. Thefederal employee health benefits
program is seen as the model for the new insurance marketplace, and
none of the plans available to government workers may cover abortion,
except as allowed by Hyde.

“It would be a pretty significant change,” said Kristen Day, executive director ofDemocrats for Life of America.

Wow, this woman has a fun job. It must be nice spending all day long trying to convince Daddy you’ll stop making him hit you. Really, you love LIFE! too. Come on, Republican media, stop making it out that all Democrats are babykillers! It’s so totally not true! And we’ll scuttle our own legislation to prove our LIFE! bona fides to you, because you’re sure to love us then!

It’s not a significant change. It follows the law. It follows the current stupid, pointless, punishingly lip-service-y law we have now thanks to Henry Hyde. It allows people to have a legal medical procedure without taking any taxpayer pennies for it. Because they’re kept in a separate coffee can. Which is insane, but it does follow the present insane law we have to prevent some nice Jesus-loving non-sinners from contributing a penny to something they don’t “believe in.”

(Which rhetorical construction drives me insane. “I don’t believe in abortion.” “I don’t believe in homosexuality.” You know what? I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny. Or the Tooth Fairy which is a fucking creepy thing to think about for any length of time, stealing kids’ icky teeth. I believe in abortion, and homosexuality, though, because they’re REAL.

I’m straight and I haven’t had an abortion, but that doesn’t mean that gay people and abortions don’texist. What you mean is that you hate gay people and think bitches iz h0rs, but you append the word “belief” to it because you think that makes your bigotry and judgmental bullshit righteous and admirable. Just stop it.)

Douglas Johnson, legislative director for theNational Right to Life Committee, says money is fungible, and the separation between taxpayer funds and private premiums is only a fig leaf.

“The Senate bill departs from long-standing federal policy by
authorizing tax subsidies to help tens of millions of Americans buyprivate health plans
that could cover abortion on demand,” said Johnson. “Anyone enrolling
in such plan would be required to make separate payments into an
abortion fund.”

The day they hold the drive for the abortion fund is the day a donation link goes up on this site, all I’m saying. Not because I particularly hope everybody goes out and gets two abortions every Thursday, but because I like to piss off people who haven’t found any new rhetoric since 1992.

But Timothy Jost, a law professor at Washington and Lee University,
analyzed the two bills and concluded the only difference is an
administrative technicality.

“What Stupak says is you have to buy a separate policy, and
what Nelson says is you have to write two checks,” said Jost. “There’s
no public funding of abortion.”

And people who don’t want to pay for other people’s abortions
wouldn’t be forced to do so, Jost added. They could simply pick a plan
that doesn’t cover it.

Yet the moment that plan screws them and theirs over in some way, you bet your sweet juicy ass they’ll be back on the Evil Abortion Satan Plan so fast your head with spin. Because we are selfish, and that’s how the world works.

Q: Don’t abortion opponents have other concerns about the bill?

A: A major one has to do with $11 billion thatObama wants to pump intocommunity health centers serving low-income people and the uninsured. As the bill is currently written, those funds are not explicitly covered by theHyde amendment.

Those ASSHOLES! How dare they care more about helping poor people than making sure you don’t get any abortion cooties all over you! How dare pleasing the Democrats for Life not be everybody’s top priority!

Abortion opponent Rev. Derrick Harkins, pastor of the Nineteenth St.
Baptist Church in Washington, said he believes it ultimately could hurt
the anti-abortion cause if thehealth care bill collapses because of the divisive issue.

“You can’t be blanket pro-life and not address those things that
encourage women to make the choice of having an abortion,” saidHarkins,
a board member of World Relief, the humanitarian arm of the National
Association of Evangelicals. “If you are really looking to reduce the
number of abortions in America, one of the things that will make that
happen is to havecomprehensive health care coverage.”

I’d like to give this guy a cookie, but around here we don’t do that just for recognizing the obvious.

A.

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4 thoughts on “Abortion Cooties

  1. leinie says:

    The whole thing is awesome, and yeah, cookie, but this
    What you mean is that you hate gay people and think bitches iz h0rs, but you append the word “belief” to it because you think that makes your bigotry and judgmental bullshit righteous and admirable. Just stop it.
    is so full of win that it’s like peak pony win.
    I wish that I could get my tax dollars to only be used for things that I APPROVE of, like helping poor people or PBS or something, but they go to bankers and all I can do is be pissed. These fucksticks and their fetus worship, though, they get ALL KINDS of consideration for how “their” money is spent, and that pisses me off no end.

  2. Robert Earle says:

    How many of the 30 million in this country without health insurance – and lousy health care – children?

  3. pansypoo says:

    do i have to be catholic now?

  4. Aaaargh says:

    Where do I send my money for the coffee can marked “Not for Halliburton and Blackwater?”
    Equal protection, bitches!

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