A Tale of Two Bobos

Story one:

Come 2014, I will continue to use the stockpile of incandescent
bulbs I plan to amass in the coming 4 years – and will gladly pay the
electric bill so I can have the light I prefer to have. Forgive me for
wanting the freedom to have a frigging light bulb of my choosing. I
will continue to drive a gas-guzzling Jeep Wrangler if I have to
hand-build an engine to replace it, because I freaking like to drive
it. I will continue to flush my toilet however many times it takes to
get the job done – and I will continue to take a long hot shower.

The facts are fairly clear – environmental nuts are sticking it to
America and those who indulge their nonsense are living in their own
bubble, while the rest of us focus on the simple truths of freedom,
limited government and wanting Washington the hell out of our backyard.
It is once again a time for choosing, and I choose to fight the
statists – enviro and otherwise. And I will happily fight with Mark by
my side while you, Mr. Manzi, keep talking in circles.

Story two:

“The bill is creating a new protected class of people based on the
fact that they’re not voters, they’re not taxpayers and they live on
the streets,” said Kreegal, who knows that homeless people do not vote
or have to pay sales taxes because he read this on a Republican blog.

Anyway, it doesn’t really matter what this Kreegel thinks about this
new legislation, because the House reps who voted for it were more
impressed by a Ft. Lauderdale homeless man’s oppression (being attacked
by teenagers, which was caught on video) than with fake oppression
stories a la Kreegel. Now an identical bill will go to the Senate, and
if it passes then will either go back to the House or Charlie Crist
will sign it in suntan lotion, if he’s feeling liberal that day. And
Paige Kreegel can go back to his favorite hobby, which is scanning the
police blotter for items aboutbums getting the shit beat out of them:

“I like to read the police blotter in my newspaper,” Kreegel said.
“I noticed that there are crimes against the homeless bums there. And
generally, they seem to be perpetrated not by members of the
Legislature or women and children, but mainly by other homeless bums
out there.”

I read these one after the other, and my brain just about
combusted, because of course Asshole Prime up there thinks the only
place for him to make a brave moral stand is on what light bulbs he
buys, what gas his car consumes, and how often he flushes his toilet.
Of course. Because Asshole the Second and millions of people just like
him have for the past 40 years at least been convincing us that there
is absolutely no way we can solve the world’s problems, because
homeless people are assholes and probably on drugs, and besides,
feeding the hungry is expensive, and if you need a doctor you can
always sell some bling.
I mean, there’s too much misery out there, so distance yourself.
Drug addicts took the drugs in the first place, so fuck them. The
homeless probably did something to be homeless. (Confidential to the
doughfaced frat rat I overheard mouthing that crap in a bar last
weekend: When I see you on the corner in a few years after you get
injured at your Five Guys job and your landlord evicts you and the cops
pick you up for that joint I could smell a block away? You will be my
exception to the rule that if I have a buck in my pocket it goes to the
first one who asks for it, you ignorant fuck.) People on welfare are
just scamming the system. Public housing is for failures. We shouldn’t
give people extra assistance for their children; they’ll just go off
the birth control. Whaddayagunnado?

div>In the face of ourobvious inability to do jack shit, what we really ought to do is
kick back, those of us lucky enough to still have a chair to kick back
in, and start aggressively not giving a fucking fuck. We’re gonna argue
about which fast food restaurant is better and if Adam Lambert should
be on TV where little kids might get the idea that eyeliner and a
faux-hawk are good ideas. We’re gonna bitch about our jobs and bitch
about our cars and bitch about our families and we’re gonna live our
lives like nothing matters because really? Nothing does. Everything
that matters is out of our hands.

Trouble is, we’re still human beings, so after about an hour of it
and three Grilled Stuft Burritos, we start to feel kind of
dissatisfied. We start to feel like there ought to be more than this.
We start to feel like maybe we should be doing something more, or else,
or different. Mercifully, then there’s Rush and Zombie Dick Nixon and Sean Hannity and John O’Neill and Michelle Bachmann and
that cockhole in the office who still thinks Seinfeld quotes prove he
is hip andit’s not creepy when he looks down your blouse just shut up
and go make him some coffee already
.

And they’re here to tell us that what really matters is what kind of
light bulbs we buy. Because that’s the only thing we can affect. That’s
the only thing we can fix. That’s the only way we can have any control
over the ongoing clusterfuck that is American society. Once you’ve excused yourself from giving a damn about anything that matters, what’s left? Lightbulbs. So take a stand. We have all this
Shakespearean glory raging inside us and so let’s take it out in a
fight to the death over how long and hot the shower should be! I will
fight gladly with you by my side Lancelot Conservatron! Today is a good
day to die!

What a bunch of crap.

A.

6 thoughts on “A Tale of Two Bobos

  1. spocko says:

    I see this response to being environmentally conscious very much like their response to smart people. They COULD try and learn things or, they can say, “Fraking elites! Fraking ivy league college pukes.” and you know what, that is really appealing, because it is easier than trying to learn stuff. Another reason? Sometimes ivy league college smart people ARE jerks. I spent years being the dumbest guy in the room and they of course let me know it because I wasn’t an engineer, And it got really tiresome. One guy actually told me that they wouldn’t listen to what I had to say because I wasn’t as smart as they were.
    Now, I’ve since learned that these guys were in their comfort zone and so they needed to lord it over others who weren’t. And when I got them out of their comfort zone and into mine, I could kick their butts. But instead I tried to teach them. And them we both learned.
    It would have been nice to get them to have that insight while I was standing there so I could rub it in. But I’m not really a rub it in kind of guy.

  2. We shouldn’t give people extra assistance for their children; they’ll just go off the birth control.
    In Republican (read: Real) America there won’t be any birth control.
    Anybody else remember back in ’94 or ’95 when Newt said that the children of the poor should be put into government run orphanages?
    .

  3. BlakNo1 says:

    Nothing but the rantings and ravings of spoiled brats who have just been told that they have to play nice with the other kids.
    How wonderful it must be to live life believing your actions have no consequences. The entire world is there to be your playground and the best thing about it is Mommy(and you know it’s all about Mommy with these freaks) isn’t there to tell you to pick up your toys and clean your room.

  4. pansypoo says:

    they have to make up their minds.

  5. montag says:

    Conservative ideology in a nutshell… “I won’t change, and you can’t make me,” and “I got mine, and you can’t have any.”
    Contemporary conservatives are the spoiled children of our age…

  6. virgotex says:

    a few things bubble up, reading this.
    Remember the shitstorm last year when Michelle O visited a homeless shelter and one of the residents in the photos had a CELL PHONE! The (only partly) faux outrage in the conservative media was like a mobius strip of batshittery. Homeless bums need to look and act like fucking homeless bums goddamnit (because thinking about them and their issues and their lives makes my precious brain hurt). If we let have to treat them like people, well, that means they must be sort of like me and … then the whole argument has to twist back on itself.
    regarding what spocko said about teaching and both learning. From personal experience with environmental education, I’ve been humbled by how hard that is for me. To step out from behind my own shield of stance and ‘our side’ etc. But it’s a good lesson, and it doesn’t mean we are selling out or letting our people down or that we’re not right or that facts don’t matter. It’s about modulating. Fairly recently, the Nature Conservancy started consciously “de-politicizing” their outreach and it’s been shown to be effective.

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