Sporto Concern Trolling, Right On Time

In the comments toDoc’s LeBron post on Thursday, I wrote:

Well,
and I said this over on Facebook as well, he may be the douchiest
douche that ever douched, but to me the top spot in this week’s Asshole
Derby goes to the ESPN dicks who decided to make this some epic thing
America Needed To See In Order To Heal Together.

And every other news program jumps on board in order to avoid looking like they got beat on What Everybody’s Talking About.

He’s being a self-indulgent prick and his fans have every right to
be put out. But it’s the sports media blowhards telling us his
prickitude is important when it clearly isn’t. It twigs something with
me that he gets all the shame, while they get to profit from it just as
much as he does and get the out that they, they were just covering the
news, whatyougunnado?

But what the fuck do I know, I’m just some filthy blogger with no editorial standards.

I predict about an hour before the first reporter who reveled in the
spectacle starts conern-trolling his colleagues about how shameful it
is that they were right there reveling beside him.

Andhere we are:

Author and LeBronologistBuzz Bissinger described it as TV’s equivalent of waterboarding.New York Post columnistMike Vaccaro called it an “awful night for Cleveland, worse night for sports, worst night for ESPN.”Eric Stangel, the head writer and executive producer forThe Late Show with David Letterman, delivered an equally scathing review on Twitter:“I’m keeping my 2 yr old up to watch the LeBron James Special. I want her to see the exact moment our society hit rock bottom.”

The decision on “The Decision” finally came at 9:27 p.m., following the kind of milking best done on a farm. Watching theLeBron James reality show on Thursday night, I gained a new respect for TV’sAmish in the City andTemptation Island. This was not a good night for sports television, even if the ratings turn out to be big.

This goes back to my least favorite thing about our idiot national press these days: the way they see-saw idiotically between pretending they are the last bastions of editorial truth and justice in the world, and that they are powerless but to serve the ravening hordes who just want this trivial bullshit. You can’t have it both ways, assholes. Pick one and go with it.

A.

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9 thoughts on “Sporto Concern Trolling, Right On Time

  1. Jude says:

    I really don’t understand the fuss about who LeBron plays for. He wants to win, and, like Shakespeare, he got to get paid, son.
    But all of the sportswriters and shit who act like what de does happens in a vacuum are total jagoffs. Just like the motherfuckers who camp out to watch Brett Favre ride around on his lawnmower and breathlessly report that he made three turns around the willow tree today, so that must mean he’s coming back for another year.
    Shit, people. You’re the ones who cover these people non-stop. If you didn’t, they’d still do what they do. LeBron would be a phenomenal player even if he was just playing pickup games at the Y.
    At the very least, though, the sports beat is about outright trivialities from start to finish. The fact that they’re preening douchebags doesn’t hurt anyone–it just annoys. But when you get the A section reporters doing the same thing, then we’re in trouble.
    Anyway, who’s down for a game of catch?

  2. CybScryb says:

    Bad news for Eric Stangel, the LeBron saga will not be the night society hits rock bottom, but rather the night the newly elected president Palin, sworn in with VP Cheney (Liz) will be. That’ll be the night before my flight to repatriate in Ireland departs.

  3. MapleStreet says:

    Well put A.
    LIke I said on the Adrastos post, I don’t follow basketball (or was that football or la crosse?). But I don’t understand why it would take an hour to say “I’m moving to X”. And as you bring up, how in the world did that announcement become a must see event?
    On one news program they pulled Drew Carey out of the crowds at the World Cup for an analysis of what this would mean to Cleveland.

  4. Athenae says:

    On one news program they pulled Drew Carey out of the crowds at the World Cup for an analysis of what this would mean to Cleveland.
    FUCKING FUC… OH FUCK IF YOU NEED ME I’MMA BE OVER HERE WITH THE JUG OF RUM YES THE ONE WITH THE HANDLE.
    A.

  5. Doc says:

    Yeah, people were coming out of the woodwork immediately with the “tsk tsk” thing. The ONLY way that “The Decision” would have worked is if he had stayed in Cleveland and turned the whole thing into some sort of “hometown feel good special.” And even then (and I say this as a Cleveland fan) it probably STILL wouldn’t have worked, as it made him seem like an asshole and a cocktease.
    Two things worth reading:
    Bill Simmons, again, hitting one right on the head. Scary when that happens twice in a lifetime, let alone twice in a week:
    http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/100709
    And Terry Pluto, who followed this kid as a kid in Akron when Pluto was at the ABJ:
    http://www.cleveland.com/pluto/blog/index.ssf/2010/07/fooled_by_a_different_lebron_j.html
    It’s an honest look at reality from a guy who is supposed to be objective but allowed himself to be fooled. Made him seem more human than the assholes on the radio named “Mad Dog” who were just screaming on both sides of the issue.

  6. mark1147 says:

    It’s fizzle-foam fuckery like this that makes it impossible for me to (a) follow sports, and (b) watch 99 percent of what’s on TV.

  7. Swoosh says:

    Dan Shaugnessy in the Boston Globe called LeBron’s announcement show “Despicable Me.” For the rest of the column, he called James “MeBron.”

  8. Doc says:

    Dan Shaugnessy in the Boston Globe called LeBron’s announcement show “Despicable Me.” For the rest of the column, he called James “MeBron.”
    WIN with a side of WIN SAUCE.
    I’ll be back. I’ve got to read this…

  9. harmfulguy says:

    Where did all these people who believed that the NBA was a less mercenary organization than Blackwater come from?

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