These Kids Today with their Playgirl Centerfolds and Filthy Whore Babies

America’s nosy neighbor lady peers through the blinds again and is shocked, SHOCKED, that we no longer ship unwed mothers off to homes for whores anymore:

One can laugh at and with them, if only because the American
“celebrity” that surrounds them like smothering arms at times is so
patently absurd and even pitiful, as proud unwed mothers and unwed
fathers display their children before the world. But in the final
laugh, it isn’t very funny at all. Unwed mother spokeswoman Bristol and
Playgirl centerfold Levi are the most disastrous examples the U.S.
could provide for young people today — and the problems have only begun.

(I will admit to a soft spot for Bristol Palin. During the campaign I thought she should come over to my house and I would feed her and her dopey boyfriend and we’d talk about everything BUT how she was a whore and a bad example. It’s hard enough being a teenager, without all your mistakes being dissected on CNN. Plus, her mom seems like kind of a drag. I felt this way about Jenna Bush, too. If all the stupid shit I did in my early 20s was on TV I’d STILL be grounded.)

So let’s have a go at this. First of all, the U.S. is not providing them as examples. They’re people living their fucked-up snowbilly circus lives as best they probably can, and magazines are offering them lots of money for photos of their baby and each other. You are free not to buy US Weekly or whatever, to turn off Access Hollywood, to ignore all this shit and thus avoid feeling put upon and concerned about Our Children. Unless, of course, you have a column due and need to bag on callow youth to meet your deadline.

The big change — the serious transformation — lies in the sharp
increase in male teens’ attitudes about having babies out of wedlock.
Between 2002 and 2007, for instance, the percentage of boys who did not
have sexual relations with girls because of fear of pregnancy fell by
half, to 12 percent from 25 percent, indicating, the spokesman said, a
newly “cavalier attitude” about unwed pregnancy on the part of young
males.

Nor are the indications positive for girls. Journalist and
TV hostess Bonnie Erbe revealed recently that 17 percent of young
American women depend upon the famously undependable rhythm method (the
Vatican’s favorite), which fails 25 percent of the time.

So,
what we are seeing across the board is a landslide of irresponsibility
that is worst among young males, but is certainly not limited to them.
What we are seeing is a world without shame.

Yes, and shame would be so much better a method of birth control than, say, CONDOMS.

It would be interesting if Bristol and Levi could tell us sometime what
exactly it was that made them — a couple who obviously had every
capacity for exploring and using any kind of birth control — so
careless about their and others’ lives. Bristol has talked publicly
about how difficult it was being a single mother, but she did not, so
far as I have seen, address the more sobering initial problem. As for
Levi, he was so busy showing off his body and thinking up insulting
zingers to getSarah Palin that he said nothing at all about what he had so carelessly done.

Well, and that would have led to a discussion about uber-religious loonies who think the sight of a Trojans box is going to provoke middle schoolers into orgies, which certainly isn’t something we want, now is it? It’s more than just birth control being “available” to wealthy teens. They have to be taught and encouraged to USE it, and we all know how Jesus feels about the pill.

He probably hates it even more than he hates Playgirl.

A.

3 thoughts on “These Kids Today with their Playgirl Centerfolds and Filthy Whore Babies

  1. liprap says:

    Having had a glimpse of Wasilla earlier this month, I myself would love to take those kids to the Mug-Shot Saloon and toast their attempts at normalcy in the middle of Mama Palin’s horrifically public hoo-hah.

  2. Interrobang says:

    It would be interesting if Bristol and Levi could tell us sometime what exactly it was that made them — a couple who obviously had every capacity for exploring and using any kind of birth control — so careless about their and others’ lives.
    Oh, you mean like that Bristol’s bitchy church-lady mom is the poster spokesthing for abstinence-only education? Having spent my entire high school career around people who remind me uncomfortably of the Palins, I can tell youexactly why Bristol and Levi didn’t “explore and use any kind of birth control” — when you’ve been bombarded since birth with the notion that Sex is Bad, and Sex is Sin, and Nice Girls Don’t, and that condoms don’t work, and that the birth control pill (et cetera et cetera) is abortion, and that anybody who uses birth control (before or even after they’re married) is obviously a sinner and a slutty slutty slut slut, and that even buying condoms means you’re obviouslypreparing to sin and that’smuch worse than just “getting carried away,”and you live in a small town filled with nasty morality-policing gossipsand your mom (or your girlfriend’s mom) is a big shot in that same town, gee, there’s no reason that mightdissuade someone from using birth control atall, nuh uh, nope nope nope.
    I will also confess to a soft spot for Bristol Palin; having gone to high school with numerous girls whose mothers were pretty much the smaller-time versions of Sarah Palin, I know pretty muchexactly what she must have gone through growing up, to the point where I am willing to bet I could accurately describe the generalities of her bedroom when she was a teenager.

  3. pansypoo says:

    just want the all to GO AWAY.

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